Become A Member. Get The Paper.

Sports

Sports

Andy Reid Gently Tells Travis Kelce What Expected Of Him On Wedding Night

KANSAS CITY, MO—Stressing that preparation was important both on and off the field, Chiefs head coach Andy Reid reportedly sat tight end Travis Kelce down…
Football, Sports

‘People Who Go In That Locker Room Come Out…Different,’ Jets Custodian Warns Aaron Glenn

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Speaking grimly as he mopped the floor beneath flickering fluorescent lights, longtime MetLife Stadium custodian Keith Browning reportedly approached first year New York…
Football, Sports

Fantasy Football Draft Good Excuse To See How Weird-Looking Everyone Getting

SAN DIEGO—Calling the in-person gathering an exciting chance to check in on old friends, local resident Anthony Crews told reporters Thursday that this week’s in-person…
Sports

The U.S. Open By The Numbers

Jannik Sinner, Coco Gauff, and more of the world’s top tennis players are squaring off in New York for a major title in the fourth…
Baseball, Sports

Scalpers Jack Up Price Of Colorado Rockies Ticket To $11

DENVER—In what’s being decried as an outrageous case of price-gouging, scalpers have reportedly begun charging as much as $11 for Colorado Rockies tickets, forcing some…

Basketball, Sports

Record-Breaking Number Of Viewers Now Following WNBA Players Home
Baseball, Sports

Rockies Pitcher Pledges To Give Up Home Run For Sick Child

DENVER—In an effort to make sure the young leukemia patient’s night at Coors Field was a special one, Colorado Rockies pitcher Kyle Freeland pledged Saturday…
Basketball, Sports

WNBA Agrees To End Disparity Between Men’s, Women’s Fines

NEW YORK—In a landmark move to address longstanding gender inequities in professional basketball, league officials announced this week that the WNBA would now fine players…
Baseball

Scout Would Like To See Pitching Prospect Mutilate Elbow A Little More

CORAL SPRINGS, FL—Emphasizing the importance of violent, ligament-shredding torque in achieving pro-caliber pitch velocity, regional baseball scout Phil Jenson told pitching prospect Gio Aguilar this…
Baseball

Pirates Under Fire For Directly Marketing Team To Children

PITTSBURGH—Detailing the harmful, long-term effects of early exposure to the ball club’s dismal on-field product, parents and child safety organizations denounced the Pittsburgh Pirates Monday…
Sports

Novelty Nachos Helmet Works Way Into Regular Dishes Rotation

Football

Panicking NBC Realizes They Left Cris Collinsworth In Broadcast Booth All Offseason

PHILADELPHIA—Rushing into a darkened stadium and dreading what they might discover, NBC Sports producers reportedly panicked Friday upon realizing they had accidentally left analyst Cris…
Basketball

Mavericks GM Trades Away All Of Team’s Basketballs

DALLAS—In a move already being described as one of the most surprising transactions in NBA history, Dallas Mavericks general manager Nico Harrison confirmed Tuesday that…
Baseball, Sports

Moment Of Silence Followed By Hot Dog Race
Baseball, Sports

White Sox Fans Asked To Remove Polish Sausage From Mouths During National Anthem

CHICAGO—As a singer made her way onto the field to kickoff another home game with “The Star-Spangled Banner,” White Sox public address announcer Gene Honda…
Basketball, Sports

WNBA To Expand Into 3 More Cities As Caitlin Clark Cloning Experiment Nears Completion

NEW YORK—Calling it a “historic moment” in women’s basketball history, the WNBA announced Wednesday that the league would expand into three more cities as its…
Sports

Wimbledon Player Issued Violation For Un-British Display Of Emotion

LONDON—Receiving the warning shortly after first-round matches got underway at Wimbledon, tennis player Daniil Medvedev was issued a code violation Monday for an un-British display…

Advertising

Advertising

The Latest