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Local

Mom Impressed By Tattooed Person’s Manners

HILLIARD, OH—Reluctantly admitting to the table that she might have been too quick to judge, local mother Janet Greenbaum told family members Thursday that she…
Local

Grandmother Can’t Trust Herself To Keep Raisins In House

WICHITA, KS—Admitting that the tempting dried fruit would ruin her figure, local grandmother Linda Donovan told reporters Friday that she can’t trust herself to keep…
Local

Grandma Thankfully Dies Before Sister’s Girlfriend Arrives

KNOXVILLE, TN—In a development her family began referring to as a “stroke of luck,” local 81-year-old Gloria Martin reportedly died Thursday before her granddaughter arrived to…
Local

Cousins Form Pact To Get Laid By End Of Thanksgiving
American Voices

America Celebrates Thanksgiving

Across the nation, Americans are gathering with loved ones to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. What are you thankful for?
Local

Dad Calling Just To Say He Loves King Crimson

BROCKTON, MA—Acknowledging that he doesn’t get the chance to say it that often, but emphasizing that it doesn’t make it any less true, the father…

Local

Sister Insanely Letting 98-Year-Old Grandma Hold Newborn

GUILFORD, CT—Watching in horror as he silently calculated whether he would be able to dive and catch the dropped infant before its body hit the…
Local

Grandma Recalls Wild Teenage Year Before She Met Grandpa
Football, Sports

Arch Manning Running Out Of Polite Ways To Decline Eli’s Mentorship

AUSTIN, TX—Noting that he’d already claimed to be sick, at a dentist appointment, and tied up with an unexpected 9 p.m. football practice, University of…
Local

37-Year-Old Still On Parents’ Verizon Plan Saves Credibility By Clarifying He Pays Them $50 A Month

SAN DIEGO—Pausing mid-conversation to shore up any doubts regarding his ability to shoulder adult responsibilities, full-grown 37-year-old man Justin Landry reportedly defended his credibility Friday…
Local

Parents Feuding With At Least One Aunt At All Times

CHICOPEE, MA—Saying that she couldn’t recall a time of familial peace since the early ’90s, area woman Melissa Maynard confirmed Wednesday that her parents were…
Sports

Dad Shushes Family While Focused On Jumbotron Hat Shuffle

LOS ANGELES—Narrowing his eyes and raising a single finger to silence those around him, local dad Mark Fahlen reportedly shushed his entire family Thursday evening…

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