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Morgan Wallen Boycotts Grammys In Protest Of Desegregation

SNEEDVILLE, TN—Opting out of the awards process for reasons he called both personal and political, country music star Morgan Wallen announced Friday that he would…
Entertainment

What To Know About ‘Alien: Earth’

Alien: Earth, the latest entry in the Alien franchise, is now streaming. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the sci-fi series. Q:…
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New Law Requires 15% Of Cocaine Received By Child Actors Be Set Aside For Future

WASHINGTON—In a move designed to help minors in the entertainment industry hold on to their hard-earned substances, Congress passed a new law Thursday that requires…
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Book Character Straight Up Says She Hopes To Be Played By Nicole Kidman In Miniseries

AURORA, IL—Pausing to confirm she had read that correctly, local woman Liz Jackson reported Wednesday that the main character in the novel she was reading…
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Jason Momoa Praised For Historical Accuracy Of ‘Chief Of War’ Ass

HONOLULU—Calling his portrayal of a Native Hawaiʻian chief “straight out of the 1700s,” critics, scholars, and fans alike praised Chief Of War star Jason Momoa…

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Coveted Broadway Stage Role Landed By Juilliard-Trained Curtains
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Taylor Swift Details Writing New Album With Travis Kelce Watching ‘Family Guy’ In Background

NEW YORK—Sharing new details about The Life Of A Showgirl, pop superstar Taylor Swift revealed Monday that she wrote the forthcoming album while boyfriend Travis Kelce…
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What To Know About ‘Weapons’

Weapons, a new horror film from the director of Barbarian, topped the box office on its opening weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to…
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‘Two Seniors,’ Says Jordon Hudson, Looking AMC Cashier Dead In Eye
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Travis Kelce Receives Invoice For Girlfriend’s Podcast Appearance

LEAWOOD, KS—Staring at the email in bewilderment, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce reportedly received an invoice Thursday for girlfriend Taylor Swift’s appearance on…
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George R.R. Martin Finally Finishes Writing Sequel To ‘Erin Brockovich’

SANTA FE, NM—Stressing that fans of the franchise were about to be richly rewarded for their patience, author George R.R. Martin announced Tuesday that he…

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Artist Profile: Alex Warren

Alex Warren’s “Ordinary” has held the number one spot on the Billboard Hot 100 for the ninth week in a row. The Onion shares everything…
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Meryl Streep Makes Breakfast In Jiminy Glick Suit

LOS ANGELES—Saying a coy good morning to her Only Murders In The Building co-star as she sauntered seductively around the kitchen, three-time Academy Award winner…
Entertainment

Biggest Revelations From The New Gwyneth Paltrow Biography

For her new unauthorized biography of Gwyneth Paltrow, journalist Amy Odell conducted more than 220 interviews, both on and off the record. Here are the…
Entertainment

Fox News Decries Woke Casting Of Indian Man As Star Of ‘Sankranthiki Vasthunam’

NEW YORK—Arguing that producers should consider their audience before catering to the whims of the “woke internet mob,” Fox News host Jesse Watters decried Tuesday…
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Scott Disick Warns Son About Genetic Predisposition To Loserism

LOS ANGELES—Coming down to the child’s eye level in a moment of vulnerability, Scott Disick reportedly had an emotional talk with his son Tuesday warning…
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Study: More Americans Converting To Mormonism In Hopes Of Getting Hulu Series

WASHINGTON—Highlighting a notable shift in the nation’s religious landscape, a study published by the Pew Research Center on Tuesday indicated that more Americans were converting…

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