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Politics

Politics

Pete Hegseth Walks Fully Nude Around Newly Press-Free Pentagon

ARLINGTON, VA—Whistling and cheerfully pumping his arms as he strolled through the corridors of the U.S. military’s headquarters, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth reportedly walked…
Politics

JD Vance Defends Erosion Of Democracy As ‘Happening’
Politics

What To Know About NSPM-7

On Sept. 25, President Trump issued a directive called National Security Presidential Memorandum 7 in which “anti-Americanism, anti-capitalism, and anti-Christianity” were described as “common threads”…
Politics

Kristi Noem: ‘Antifa Is A Highly Sophisticated Islamic Proto-State That Controlled Territory In Iraq And Syria From 2013-2019’
Politics

USDA Deactivates Nation’s Corn During Government Shutdown

WASHINGTON—In response to the freezing of federal funds necessary to keep the essential grain operational for millions of Americans, the U.S. Department of Agriculture has,…

Politics

White House Doctor: Trump Has Far More Bones Than Any Prior President

WASHINGTON—In an effort to curb speculation regarding the physical health of the commander-in-chief, Capt. Sean Barbabella, physician to the president and director of the White…
Politics

Trump Asks JD Vance To Research Whether President Allowed To Kill Vice President

WASHINGTON—Calling him “the best man for the job,” President Donald Trump reportedly asked JD Vance Thursday to research whether the president was allowed to kill…
Politics

RFK Jr. Advocates Using Beef Tallow In Home Birth Tubs

WASHINGTON—Touting the substance’s anti-inflammatory properties and high smoke point, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. released a statement Thursday advocating for the…
Politics

Stress-Free Eric Adams Spends Day Bribing Pigeons In Central Park
Politics

Highlights From Kamala Harris’ New Memoir

Kamala Harris has released 107 Days, a new memoir detailing her 2024 run for president against Donald Trump. Here are highlights from the book. Complete…
Politics

Stephen Miller Builds Windowless, Soundproof Shed On White House Lawn

WASHINGTON—Carrying tools and a handful of two-by-fours as he silently emerged from the North Portico, deputy chief of staff and homeland security advisor Stephen Miller…

Politics

Limbless, Slippery RFK Jr.: ‘Becoming An Eel Is A Sign Of Good Health’

WASHINGTON—Suddenly appearing at the lectern after emerging from a hole in the floor, a limbless, slippery Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced at a White House…
Politics

Talk Of Fascism Dangerous, Warns Ministry Of Compliance
Politics

Trump To Travel With Own Escalator Following U.N. Embarrassment
Politics

RFK Jr. Promotes Natural Immunity With Invitation To Touch His Festering Sore

WASHINGTON—Establishing new federal guidelines for disease prevention as he moves to restrict public access to a number of vaccines, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert…
Politics

‘You Think You Can Talk About Our Dad That Way?’ Scream Trump Boys, Beating TV With Bat

WASHINGTON—Cracking their knuckles and demanding they receive a “papology [sic], or else,” Eric Trump and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly yelled, “You think you can talk about…
Politics

Freshman Congressman Being Adorably Discreet With Corruption

WASHINGTON—Marveling at the childlike innocence and naïveté on display from their first-term colleague, members of the U.S. House of Representatives confirmed Wednesday that freshman congressman…

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