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Politics

Politics

Medicaid Work Requirements Myth Vs. Fact

More than 71 million Americans are enrolled in Medicaid for healthcare. The Onion dispels common myths surrounding the program’s new work requirements, which go into…
Politics

DHS: ‘Daycare Workers Have Walked Freely in This Country For Far Too Long’

WASHINGTON—Reaffirming the Trump administration’s promise to crack down on individuals providing supervision and instruction to youngsters across the United States, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem…
Politics

Fact-Checking Claims About Zohran Mamdani

Democratic socialist Zohran Mamdani made history Tuesday night when he was elected the first Muslim mayor of New York City. The Onion fact-checks the claims…
Politics

Californians Approve Measure To Redraw ‘Garfield’

SACRAMENTO, CA—Passing the Democrat-backed initiative with a resounding 60% of the vote, Californians overwhelmingly approved a ballot measure this week to redraw the cartoon character…
Politics

Pros And Cons Of A 3rd Trump Term

Last week, President Trump discussed the possibility of running for a third term in 2028, despite the 22nd Amendment’s prohibition on being elected to the…

Politics

Trump Imposes 25% Tariff On Chinese-Made Trump Products

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to stop U.S. markets from being flooded with foreign-made campaign merchandise and other licensed items promoting his brand, President Donald Trump signed…
Politics

White House Maid Shrieks After Spotting Melania On Ceiling

WASHINGTON—Expressing horror as an unidentified slimy substance dripped on her shoulder from above, White House maid Carla Ovares reportedly shrieked Tuesday after spotting first lady…
Politics

Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’
Politics

Trump Writes Netanyahu Strongly Worded Check
Politics

Trump Accused Of Using Makeup To Conceal Ventilator
Politics

Trump Defends Demolition Of Yggdrasil, Ancient Tree Of Life

WASHINGTON—Claiming that the sacred ash tree had outlived its usefulness and needed to be updated, President Donald Trump made remarks Monday defending his demolition of…

Politics

Trump Touts Productive Call With Putin About Ballroom Sconces

WASHINGTON—Acknowledging that he was impressed by the foreign leader’s ability to compromise on all kinds of fixtures, President Donald Trump announced Friday that he had…
Politics

Visibly Bruised Pete Hegseth Declares Wobbly Barstools Threat To National Security

WASHINGTON—Occasionally pausing to rub his bleeding temple as he delivered the statement, visibly bruised Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth declared Friday that wobbly barstools were…
Politics

Diplomatic Talks Break Down Between Trump, Motion-Activated Ghost Decoration

WASHINGTON—In what they described as a disappointing turn in the ongoing negotiations, White House officials confirmed Wednesday that diplomatic talks had broken down between President…
Politics

‘Thank You For That Question,’ Responds Eric Adams To Swarm Of Rats He Forced To Act Out Debate

NEW YORK—Expressing gratitude for the opportunity to correct the record against his opponents, current New York City mayor and former candidate for reelection Eric Adams…
Politics

Zohran Mamdani Refuses To Share Plan For Making Rich Richer

NEW YORK—Casting doubt on the mayoral candidate’s ability to effectively carry out the duties of the office, critics assailed New York State Rep. Zohran Mamdani…
Politics

Kristi Noem Looms In Background During Entire Episode Of ‘90 Day Fiancé’

WASHINGTON—Describing the secretary of homeland security’s cameo on the reality show as “highly unnerving,” viewers reported Friday that Kristi Noem can be seen looming in…

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