Become A Member. Get The Paper.

Politics

Politics

JD Vance Cries In Bathroom After Trump Uses ‘Piggy’ Nickname On Someone Else

WASHINGTON—In the wake of a controversial incident aboard Air Force One in which President Donald Trump insulted a female journalist, Vice President JD Vance is…
Politics

Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office
Politics

Dennis Hastert Just Going To Assume He Welcome Back In GOP
Politics

RFK Jr.: ‘The President Having Sex With Children Is Fine From A Purely Nutritional Standpoint’
Politics

‘We’re Off To See The World!’ Shout Saluting Trump Boys Setting Sail On D.C. Reflecting Pool

WASHINGTON—Embarking on their self-described “diplomatic voyage” at the National Mall Tuesday while their wives and children waved goodbye, Eric and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly declared,…

Politics

Pentagon Blames Venezuela For Flow Of Drugs Into Kash Patel

WASHINGTON—Calling the national crisis “a complete justification” for additional airstrikes on boats purportedly trafficking narcotics, the Pentagon issued a statement Tuesday blaming Venezuela for the…
Politics

Megyn Kelly Anxiously Waits For Everyone Else To Start Condoning Pedophilia Too

NEW YORK—Faced with backlash against comments she made last week downplaying the sex trafficking crimes of Jeffrey Epstein, an anxious Megyn Kelly appeared on her…
Politics

Trump To Vance: ‘I Need You To Say You Stole My Face In The 1990s’

WASHINGTON—Taking the vice president aside to discuss the administration’s response to the upcoming House of Representatives vote to release the Epstein files, President Donald Trump…
Politics

Trump Imposes 100% Tax On Movies Where Slaves Escape

WASHINGTON—In an effort to bring an end to what he described as an anti-American trend in filmmaking, President Donald Trump signed an executive order Monday…
Politics

Timeline Of Nancy Pelosi’s Career

After decades in the House of Representatives, Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has announced she will not seek reelection next year. The Onion looks back at…
Politics

Trump Says Epstein Emails Only Prove He One Of The Most Emailed-About Men In History

WASHINGTON—In the wake of the House Oversight Committee releasing more than 20,000 pages of documents from the estate of Jeffrey Epstein, some of which raised…

Politics

Jack Schlossberg, Member Of Schlossberg Political Dynasty, Announces Run For Congress
Politics

Trump Denies Writing 36-Volume Comic Titled ‘Don And Jeff: Time Pedophiles’

WASHINGTON—Dismissing the swashbuckling sci-fi romp as “a total hoax” amid growing scrutiny over his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, President Donald Trump made remarks Tuesday denying…
Politics

Trump’s White House Renovations By The Numbers

President Trump’s remodeling of the White House continues, which so far has included the demolition of the East Wing to add an expensive ballroom and…
Politics

RFK Jr. Fires Piss Czar

WASHINGTON—In a stunning shake-up that has sent shock waves through a department already roiled by upheaval, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.…
Politics

Trump Threatens To Sue BBC Over Misleading Edit Of ‘The Vicar Of Dibley’

LONDON—In response to what his lawyers characterized as “a reckless and defamatory misrepresentation” of the beloved ’90s sitcom about a small-town vicar and her eccentric…
Politics

‘Shut Up, Mother! Shut Up!’ Pleads George W. Bush To Dick Cheney Skeleton Dressed In Suit

CRAWFORD, TX—Lashing out at the overbearing former vice president seated motionless in a rocking chair by the attic window, a distraught George W. Bush shouted,…

Advertising

Advertising

The Latest