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Seed Oils: Myth Vs. Fact

Critics like RFK Jr. and health-conscious social media influencers often claim seed oils like canola, soybean, and safflower oil contain toxic byproducts caused by the…
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U.S. Generals Have Bad Feeling About Dog The Bounty Hunter Taking Stage
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Trump Audibly Counting Non-White Generals
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Hungover Hegseth Struggling To Remember How He Ended Up In Room Full Of Generals

QUANTICO, VA—Racking his brain for answers as he gazed out at the high-ranking officers gathered before him, a visibly hungover Pete Hegseth reportedly struggled Tuesday…
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Indiana Offers Tax Breaks To Attract Religious Doomsday Cults

INDIANAPOLIS—With an official proclamation that declared the state “open to self-proclaimed messianic prophets,” Indiana began offering tax breaks Wednesday to attract religious doomsday cults. “Whether your…

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Trump: ‘Another Thing Epstein And I Never Did Is Play Nude Charades’
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ICE Confirms Agents Do Not Have Faces Beneath Masks

WASHINGTON—In response to legislation that would ban officers from obscuring their identities during arrests and raids, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement confirmed Thursday that beneath…
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Study Finds Regular Journaling Can Help Provide Clues About Mysterious Disappearance

BOSTON—In a new study that found the practice significantly improves outcomes for missing persons investigations, researchers at Northeastern University’s School of Criminology and Criminal Justice…
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Nation Grateful To GOP For Protecting It From TV

WASHINGTON—Thanking the government for defending the public from the terrifying screen in their homes, the American people confirmed Thursday that they were grateful to Republicans…
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Netanyahu: ‘These So-Called Genocide Experts Have Probably Never Committed A Genocide In Their Lives’

JERUSALEM—In response to an independent United Nations inquiry concluding that Israel is committing an ongoing genocide against Palestinians in Gaza, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu issued…
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New Uber Feature Allows Women To Request Nonthreatening Eunuch Driver

SAN FRANCISCO—In response to ongoing concerns regarding the safety of its female passengers, rideshare giant Uber reportedly introduced a new feature Wednesday that allows women…

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NIH Director’s Pulsing Neck Tumor Announces Cancer Research Cuts
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Report: You To Be Fired For Reading This Headline About Charlie Kirk

NEW YORK—Insisting your fate was sealed the moment you clicked the link, a report released Tuesday found that you will be fired for reading this…
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Bombshell ‘Wall Street Journal’ Investigation Finds Tyler Robinson Once Had Trans Uber Driver

ST. GEORGE, UT—As questions continue to swirl regarding the motive behind last week’s assassination of Charlie Kirk, The Wall Street Journal published a bombshell investigation…
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Desperate Kash Patel Asks Shooter’s Family If They Can Solve Any Other Cases

WASHINGTON, UT—As he described a massive backlog of murders that continued to stump the agency he leads, desperate FBI director Kash Patel reportedly asked the…
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Raid Introduces New Bug Doxxing Kit

RACINE, WI—Saying the new product “attacks and intimidates pests right where they live,” popular insecticide brand Raid introduced its first-ever bug doxxing kit Tuesday. “Our complete…
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Visit From JD Vance Last Thing Utah Needs Right Now

SALT LAKE CITY—Alarmed by numerous reports that the vice president was currently en route to the state, sources confirmed Thursday that a visit from JD…

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