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Customer Service Discloses Call Will Be Monitored For Sadistic Amusement

NEW YORK—As part of what the telecommunications giant characterizes as an ongoing commitment to transparency, Verizon’s customer service line began informing users this week that…
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Nvidia Becomes First $5 Trillion Company

Nvidia became the first company to hit a $5 trillion market capitalization, putting it on par with the GDP of countries like Germany, despite many…
News

Home Depot Introduces New 12-Foot-Tall Willem Dafoe

ATLANTA—Saying the novelty decoration would add the perfect touch to Halloween yard displays, the Home Depot announced Friday it had begun selling a new 12-foot-tall…
News

Starbucks Awarded $5 Billion Contract To Explore Military Applications Of Cold Foam

ARLINGTON, VA—The U.S. Defense Department confirmed Monday that Starbucks had been awarded a $5 billion contract to explore potential national security applications of cold foam,…
Entertainment

Netflix Now Requiring All Subscribers To Recruit 5 New Customers

LOS GATOS, CA—With an update the company hailed as a bold feature that would excite existing users and increase membership, streaming giant Netflix announced Tuesday…
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Amazon To Pay $2.5 Billion Settlement For Tricking Prime Customers

In the largest civil penalty in Federal Trade Commission history, Amazon agreed to pay a $2.5 billion settlement to resolve claims that it misled customers…

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Build-A-Bear Stock Outperforms Nvidia

Build-a-Bear Workshop’s stock, defying the threat of tariffs on its Chinese-sourced inventory, has surged over 2,000% in the past 5 years, outpacing Wall Street darlings…
News

Raid Introduces New Bug Doxxing Kit

RACINE, WI—Saying the new product “attacks and intimidates pests right where they live,” popular insecticide brand Raid introduced its first-ever bug doxxing kit Tuesday. “Our complete…
American Voices

Cracker Barrel Scraps Logo Redesign

Cracker Barrel announced it was reverting to its old logo after a new, more streamlined design generated intense customer backlash and criticism from President Trump.…
News

Denny’s Announces Free Pancakes For Customers Who Take Fight Outside

SPARTANBURG, SC—Introducing a new promotion that will be available to both adults and children at its restaurants nationwide, 24-hour diner chain Denny’s announced this week…
Local

CEO Worried 23-Year-Old Only Into Him For His Keen Business Acumen

PHOENIX—In an intense bout of insecurity and wariness toward his partner’s superficial focus, Fortune 500 CEO William Freitag, 57, reportedly expressed concerns Thursday that the…
News

Study: Elephants Only Other Species Capable Of Leveraging Synergies In Brand Portfolio

ITHACA, NY—In a groundbreaking study published in the journal Animal Behaviour, researchers at Cornell University revealed Monday that elephants are the only known nonhuman species…