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Opinion

Commentary, Opinion

I'm Leaving My Fortune to That Lad On the Wireless Radio

Did you know I was once Governor of our fair state? Yes, from 1914 to 1920. I was known as the “Strip-Mining Governor” for my…
Commentary, Opinion

I've Got a Serious Case of Election Fever!

Item! It’s political mania out there, and yours truly has been in the thick of it! Now, I know I shouldn’t do politics, but this…
Commentary, Opinion

My Hot Dog Cart Is Undermanned

All the time, I catch people bellyachin’ about the economy and how they’re having trouble finding a job. Well you can bet I give them…
Commentary, Opinion

The Joy of Sales

First of all, I can see you’re all busy folks and the last thing you need is to waste time listening to a load of…
American Voices, Opinion

A Heroin Experience

With studies indicating that its use is greatly on the rise, heroin has been the focus of much attention lately, featured prominently in the film…
Ask the Experts, Opinion

Ask the Dungeonmaster

In a recent campaign, my 12th-level Chaotic Good Elf, “Lagathyl the Archer of the Golden Woods,” acquired a Bag of Holding from a group of…

Commentary, Opinion

It Sounded Fancy, So I Ate It

The other day Judy the wife was yappin’ that I never do anything with her, so I agreed to go to the big tasting party…
American Voices, Opinion

Military Academies Under Fire

With the Citadel and the Virginia Military Institute opening their doors to women in recent months, only three all-male military colleges now remain in the…
Commentary, Opinion

The Liniment That Saved My Life

This Saturday I’ll be observing my 112th birthday, and the well-wishes and accolades have been pouring into my vast plantation-estate. The King of Spain, the…
American Voices, Opinion

Is There Life on Mars?

NASA scientists recently discovered a Martian rock that may contain the remains of ancient life, raising the distinct possibility that we are not alone in…
Commentary, Opinion

How to Make a Newspaper Hat

I have two things I would like to say to the youth of today. First, kiss my blue-veined hiney! You’re not fit to carry my…
Commentary, Opinion

Somebody Should Do Something About All The Problems

Why isn’t anyone doing anything about all the problems? We’re living in a time with super computers and underwater sea stations and million-dollar laboratories. And…

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