Opinion

Enjoy being battery! Enjoy providing power for! Nine volts power! Last very long! Keep providing power until die! Give power and power and more power…

Shut yer tater trap and listen here— that consarned Cletus an’ I is a-feudin’ agin’, and ain’t nothin’ on God’s green Earth gonna stop me…

Hate to say it, folks, but your old pal Jean had just about the lousiest summer since the Bay City Rollers canceled their show at…

Goddamn it, nurse! How many times do I have to tell you? Wipe front to back, not back to front! You want me to get…

This morning the telephone rang while I was downstairs washing some slacks, so I rushed upstairs and caught it on the 14th ring. To my…

What does food taste like? I cannot remember. This is because in 1978, my stomach and most of my small intestine had to be removed.…

The year was 1987, a time I’ll never forget. The country was in the grips of the Great Recession, the worst economic crisis my generation…

Citizens, hear us well. Our great nation is being undermined by a secret society of individuals who carry deadly white truncheons and lead vicious attack…

All right, I’ll just come out and say it: In all my 124 years of life I have never had an erection. That is not…