Local

Murfreesboro, TN—Area loner Dave Roe will dwell on his past this Saturday, according to sources close to the unemployed carpenter. Roe, who lives alone, may…

Johnson City, AL—The Our Father of The Lord Christ in Heaven congregation was informed by God Sunday that no damage will come to its church,…

‘Can They Do That?’ Says Dwarf

PORTLAND, OR—In a bold expression of individuality, local youngster Steve Haselrig, who is a boy and not a girl, donned an ear-ring yesterday. The 15-year-old…

SCOTSDALE, AZ—Georgette McHue, a Scotsdale-area uptight matron, enjoyed a handful of colorful pills yesterday, swallowing them down after dinner with a glass of water. The…