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Vol 61: Issue 47

American Voices

Australian Prisoner Sues For Right To Eat Vegemite

An inmate in Australia is suing over a ban on prisoners eating Vegemite, arguing that forbidding the yeast-based spread violates his human right to “enjoy…
Football, Sports

Shedeur Sanders Confident He Can Deliver Everything Browns Fans Have Come To Expect

CLEVELAND—Saying he was ready to carry on the legacy forged by Cody Kessler, Dorian Thompson-Robinson, and dozens of other short-lived Browns signal callers over the…
Politics

Political Profile: Marjorie Taylor Greene

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s (R-GA) feud with President Trump is shaking MAGA world. Here is everything you need to know about Greene. Birthplace: Kenya Religion:…
American Voices

Religiosity In U.S. Drops To Lowest On Record

A new Gallup poll found that fewer than half of Americans now say religion is important in their daily lives, a 17 point drop since…
Politics

Steak ’N Shake Employee Screams After Nude RFK Jr. Climbs Out Of Beef Tallow Fryer

SOUTH BEND, IN—Expressing horror at the sight of the health secretary’s bare torso emerging from the vat of grease, a local Steak ’n Shake employee…
Politics

JD Vance Cries In Bathroom After Trump Uses ‘Piggy’ Nickname On Someone Else

WASHINGTON—In the wake of a controversial incident aboard Air Force One in which President Donald Trump insulted a female journalist, Vice President JD Vance is…

Politics

Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office
News

OpenAI Reveals ChatGPT Primarily Used To Ask If Hot Dog Too Old To Eat

SAN FRANCISCO—Shedding light on how consumers were most likely to interact with the popular software application, a new report published Thursday by OpenAI revealed that…
Entertainment

What To Know About ‘Pluribus’

Pluribus, a new sci-fi drama starring Rhea Seehorn, is Breaking Bad creator Vince Gilligan’s first show since Better Call Saul concluded. The Onion shares everything…
Local

Exhausted Stable Boy Clearly Just Going Through Motions Of Tearing Open Bodice

GLOUCESTERSHIRE, ENGLAND—Audibly sighing as he “listlessly” undid a corset string by the light of a candle, a sulking, exhausted stable boy was reportedly going through…
Politics

Dennis Hastert Just Going To Assume He Welcome Back In GOP
Cartoons

Hirsute Yourself

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