Onion News Network

In an appeal to the powerful voting bloc, Trump told a group of influential Amish megadonors that, if elected, he would make turning on the…

Stargazers around the world were able to see one of our closest celestial neighbors. God’s Penis peaked in its fullest at 9:35 p.m. EST, but…

He’s crushed skulls in the Under Realm. He’s ripped out the spines of his enemies. But ruthless up-and-comer Inferno says coming out was the most…

The infallible Creator of the universe sits down for an intimate eye-opening interview.

Drugs. Partying. Unreliable behavior. Can troubled teen star Janna Hayspice save her career? Or is she actually just thousands of small rodents pretending to be…

“It’s In His Butt,” Say Researchers

As the games wind down, officials are already starting to return the dead strays to the streets they once called home.

Producers insist that the beloved characters are merely friends and that “gay” doesn’t remotely describe their bizarre underworld of sexual deviance.

Microsoft says their new Xbox features a host of simple voice commands that will easily control and instruct gamers.

CERN researchers confirm that they have finally identified the elusive Higgs Boson particle and destroyed it forever.

The Catholic world was rocked today as 76-year-old Pope Francis I announced plans to step down at the end of the month.

Court officials complain that it’s too difficult to keep track of every massacre and that recalling one from all the way back in July of…

The fast-food chain has rolled out a suspicious new promotion selling five hamburgers for zero dollars.