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Onion News Network

Onion News Network

GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation
Onion News Network

Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test
Onion News Network

Biden In Critical Condition After Sticking Tongue In Marine One Chopper Blade
Onion News Network

Wrongly Convicted Death Row Inmate Exonerated Mere Hours After Execution
Onion News Network

Study: More Americans Buying Firearms To Defend Selves From Toddlers Who Found Their Guns
Onion News Network

Cash-Strapped Subway Threatens To Reveal Identities Of Customers Who Eat Subway If They Don’t Pay

In one of the largest corporate blackmail schemes in modern history, the popular fast food chain has reportedly sent the following ultimatum to millions of…

Onion News Network

Taylor Swift Arrested On Weapons Charges After Federal Agents Raid Tour Bus

Following a tense armed standoff with the pop superstar, authorities uncovered a large arsenal of illegal drugs and firearms inside the 14-time Grammy Award winner’s…
Onion News Network

Neo-Nazi Pulls Off Surprise Victory In Long-Held KKK District
Onion News Network

ELECTION ALERT: Still Too Early To Know Which Minority To Scapegoat
Onion News Network

Election Touchscreen Map Takes Deeper Look Inside Key Swing Voter
Onion News Network

New Trump Ad Shows Montage Of People He’ll Kill If Elected

The controversial new ad from the Trump campaign openly promises the murder of various political rivals, celebrities, and even a handful of ordinary citizens.
Onion News Network

U.S. Deploys Socially Awkward Men Along Border To Deter Migrants

The White House issued a new executive order aiming to deter migrants by stationing hundreds of socially awkward men at the southern border. Immigration officials…

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