Onion News Network

He’s not stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, but one inspiring hero is attacking people and sleeping in a forest.

Japanese scientists have created an ultra-realistic robot that not only runs a half-marathon, but then never shuts up about what a great fucking job it…

Newly revealed Mayan tablets discredit apocalypse theories but seem to predict a mindless society based on guns, football, and gluttony.

As part of a promotional push for “Zero Dark Thirty”, the elite squad of tactical commandos showed off their comedy chops during a ratings-bursting episode…

Created for young women, Apple’s new iPhone includes an innovative spiderweb-cracked screen.

After yet another violent attack, the nation has come together to demand crucial reforms of gun laws, mental health care, school security, or literally anything…

Fans of the Denny’s Hobbit-themed menu can’t wait to see their favorite breakfast items on the big screen.

Republicans have proposed a new debt deal that includes higher taxes on the wealthiest 2% on the condition that Obama hands over his daughters’ dog.

Scientists believe that water underneath Mercury’s surface means the planet could be turned into a cool space jail where prisoners are held in place with…

The pharmacy chain is hoping to become America’s top retailer of crap that costs $20 and is right around the corner from your office.

Viewers who have never seen nor heard of the concept of pornography provided a massive ratings bump for this year’s lingerie fashion show.

Contrary to popular belief, a new study says parents may want to prevent their newborns from being bitten by horses.

The upcoming ’Boy Meets World’ spin-off is thrilling fans who haven’t grown up at all since the original went off the air.

The $500 million Powerball drawing has been delayed after officials admitted they can’t find the lotto balls anywhere.

Thanksgiving is ruined thanks to the accidental and terrifying release of serial rapist Tom Gobbler.