Onion News Network

The Divine Creator of All Things addressed a throng of dedicated fans on his troubled working relationship with the former Pope.

Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood is being proactive in the face of his department’s potential budget cuts by scouring the country for road signs, traffic lights,…

Meteorologists say the blizzard pummeling the Midwest is expected to devastate Illinois resident Kevin Hodges given everything he’s been going through lately.

Following a cyber attack to the fast food chain’s Twitter account, the thousands of people who had chosen to follow Burger King were left without…

A disturbing new study reveals that women’s prisons are not the hotbeds of sexy discipline and kittenish exploration they should be.

The unstoppable mega-hit ‘Smooth’ by Santana featuring Rob Thomas continued its unstoppable Grammy streak, picking up awards in every major category.

Congressman Henry Crawford’s quietly stunning laws may not appeal to everyone, but are leaving fans of art-house legislation enraptured.

The country starlet has dated a who’s who of A-listers, but her new song seemingly insults the 16-year-old fan who won a ’Win A Date…

The Department of Health and Human Services has issued a new report asking Americans to just do anything at all for Christ’s sake for 30…

Completing their decade-long project, the Huffington Post has finally released their exhaustive database of every person who has ever been remotely famous for any reason.

After falling for an Internet romance hoax, linebacker Manti Te’o has finally found love with an amazing women who looks like two famous actresses taped…

With his ’golden boy’ image tarnished, Lance Armstrong has returned to cycling as radical bad boy ’Killstrong.’

The NRA says a proposal to ban gun sales to anyone in the middle of a killing spree is a gross violation of the Second…

After sort of, maybe coming out during her Golden Globes speech, Jodie Foster is inspiring LGBT youth to honor their true selves in the form…

A new study finds that many American students do not realize that objects continue to exist even when they cannot be seen or heard.

Russell Crowe is generating Oscar buzz for his ’Les Mis’ performance as a man who is a much worse singer than all the people around…

The American Psychiatric Association is warning that with prices this low, the nation’s used car salesmen must be out of their minds.