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Entertainment, Horoscopes

Horoscope for the week of August 21, 1996

Constantly rising pressure on both the business front and at home can be easily relieved by drilling massive holes in your skull. The stars indicate…
Entertainment

Hootie and the Blowfish: Breaking Down Racial Barriers Between Black, White Pussies
Entertainment, Horoscopes

Horoscope for the week of August 7, 1996

You should take some time to accept life’s uncomfortable little truths. You’ve sired the brats of half the truckstop gals east of the Continental Divide.…
Cooking, Local

Walnuts Improve Area Chicken Salad

FORT WAYNE, IN—The addition of walnuts significantly improved an area chicken salad Monday, resulting in a more enjoyable taste experience for its eaters. The salad,…
Entertainment

Charlton Heston Gets Serious

HOLLYWOOD, CA—After a quarter century of wacky, lighthearted comedy roles, veteran actor Charlton Heston has accepted a part in a Biblical epic to air on…

Entertainment

Quincy Suspects Murder

LOS ANGELES—Forensic examiner Quincy announced today that he believes a John Doe brought to him by police detectives was murdered, and not dead of natural…
Entertainment

Nuclear Threat Still 'Very Real,' Says Muhammad Ali

LOUISVILLE, KY—Former world heavyweight boxing champ Muhammad Ali spoke out Monday against what he called “the ever-growing threat of thermonuclear war between the United States…
Entertainment, Time Killers

Shielding UV Rays
Entertainment

Adorable Animated Hunchback to Shove Self Down Area Throats
Entertainment

'Entertainment Weekly' Utilizes Pun in Article About Tom Cruise

NEW YORK—It is a mere two weeks after the release of the summer blockbuster Mission: Impossible, and Lori Skedelesky, an associate editor at Entertainment Weekly,…
Entertainment, Time Killers

Minimum Wage Hike

Entertainment, Time Killers

Coping With Gas Prices
Entertainment

Kathie Lee's Children
Entertainment

Hard Times Hit Springsteenville

SPRINGSTEENVILLE, U.S.A.—Across America, cities are facing shrinking job bases and plant closings. But nowhere has the recent industrial slowdown hit harder than Springsteenville. A blue-collar,…
Entertainment

Zsa Zsa or Eva Gabor Dead

LOS ANGELES—Zsa Zsa or Eva Gabor, the well-known star of stage and screen, was found dead Monday morning in her Hollywood Hills home. Gabor, who…
Entertainment

Real Life "Twister" Kills 117

Morganville, OK—As the runaway smash hit film Twister tore up box offices across the U.S. on its opening weekend, an exciting, real life “twister” tore…
Entertainment

Unabomber Condemned by Willie Tyler, Lester

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an official ceremony held at the Justice Department Monday, ventriloquist Willie Tyler and his dummy, Lester, strongly condemned Una-bomber suspect Theodore Ka-czynski.

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