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Lorde Requiring All Concertgoers To Stash Boyfriends In Locked Pouch

CHICAGO—In a move making her the latest performer to join the distraction-free trend, New Zealand singer-songwriter Lorde confirmed Friday that she was now requiring all…
Entertainment

Artist Profile: Rosalía

Rosalía’s fourth studio album, Lux, has been met with critical acclaim, cracking the Billboard top 10 for the first time in the Spanish pop star’s…
Local

Man Who Thought Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’ Was Over In For Thrill Of His Fucking Life

BOSTON—Prematurely assuming he had reached the end of the 1977 rock masterpiece, local man Peter Verran, who thought Fleetwood Mac’s “The Chain” was over, was…
Entertainment

Report: Guy Who Sings ‘Thriller’ Has Bunch Of Non-Halloween Music, Too

CLEVELAND—Revealing a vast, forgotten catalog of legitimate pop compositions, a report released Thursday about novelty musical act Michael Joseph Jackson found that the man who…
Entertainment

YouTube Comment Section Astounded To Learn Chicks Can Rock Too

SAN BRUNO, CA—Expressing surprise and delight at the notion that gals could also shred, dozens of YouTube users who stumbled upon the Mousers’ cover of…
Entertainment

The Onion’s Top Songs: October 2025

1 FROWNIN’ AT NIGHT THE WEEKEND 2 EMBERS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT TAYLOR SWIFT 3 PORK ME WITH YOUR CHODE SABRINA CARPENTER 4 RATTLING CHAINS…

Entertainment

Katy Perry Releases New Single About Superiority Of Canadian Manufacturing

MONTECITO, CA—Signaling a new chapter in her career, pop star Katy Perry released a new single Monday about the superiority of Canadian manufacturing. “When I…
Entertainment

Artist Profile: Addison Rae

Former TikTok star Addison Rae is currently on her first world tour and promoting her debut studio album, Addison. The Onion shares everything you need…
Entertainment

Charli XCX Escalates Feud By Luring Travis Kelce Away With Beef Stick
Entertainment

Paul McCartney Now Openly Referring To Self As ‘Last-Living Beatle’
Entertainment

Nicole Kidman Tosses ‘The Garfield Movie’ Soundtrack Onto Burn Pile

NASHVILLE, TN—Adding to an already heaping assortment of books, clothing, and photos that reminded her of soon-to-be ex-husband Keith Urban, actress Nicole Kidman reportedly tossed…
Entertainment

Slipknot Travels To India To Begin Psychedelic, Free-Love Phase Of Career

RISHIKESH, INDIA—In an effort to break down creative barriers and open their minds to new types of spirituality, members of the heavy metal band Slipknot…

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