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Entertainment

Critics Praise Benson Boone Album As Finite
Entertainment

Sabrina Carpenter Undergoes State-Mandated Lobotomy To Cure Nymphomania

LOS ANGELES—Confirming that doctors had performed the procedure successfully, sources reported Friday that Sabrina Carpenter had undergone a state-mandated lobotomy to cure her medically diagnosed…
Entertainment

Sabrina Carpenter Assures Fans That Daddy Will Punish Her For Album Cover

LOS ANGELES—Faced with criticism after posting the suggestive cover of her forthcoming album Man’s Best Friend, pop star Sabrina Carpenter released a statement Monday assuring…
Local

Ashamed Woman Hiding Interest In Country Music Like It Hentai

CHICAGO—Attempting to keep her browser tab concealed from view for fear her guilty pleasure would be exposed to nearby coworkers, ashamed woman Lily Paolini was…
Entertainment

Katy Perry Teases New Single ‘Stop Making Fun Of Me’

MONTECITO, CA—Revealing to fans that the track was about an issue deeply important to her, singer-songwriter Katy Perry teased a new single Thursday by releasing…
Entertainment

Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame Honors Guy Going Nuts In Front Row

CLEVELAND—Honoring the concertgoer for his seemingly bottomless reserves of energy, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announced Thursday the induction of the guy going…

Entertainment

Coachella By The Numbers

Coachella, the annual music festival held at the Empire Polo Club in Indio, CA, has wrapped up the first of its two weekends. The Onion…
Entertainment

Björk Performs Benefit Concert For Wilted Sunflowers In Mushroom Forest

TOADSTOOL VALE—To aid ongoing recovery efforts in mystical lands recently devastated by a moonbeam, singer and composer Björk held a benefit concert Thursday in support…
Entertainment

Artist Profile: Morgan Wallen

After performing as a musical guest on the show to promote his upcoming album, Morgan Wallen made headlines when he abruptly left the Saturday Night…
Entertainment

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Lady Gaga

This month Lady Gaga released Mayhem, her seventh studio album. The Onion sat down with the artist and actor to discuss songwriting, self-care, and what’s…
Entertainment

Artist Profile: Tate McRae

Tate McRae, the artist behind the pop hit “Greedy,” has released her second studio album, So Close To What. Here is everything you need to…
News

Dalai Lama Revises Claim Life Only Suffering When Not Listening To Golden-Era Supertramp

DHARAMSHALA, INDIA—The Dalai Lama announced in a press conference Monday that he has revised his position that suffering is an inevitable fact of life and…

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