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Politics

JD Vance Reminded To Use White House Service Entrance

WASHINGTON—During a confrontation in which it was firmly reiterated that the front entrance was for approved personnel only, Vice President JD Vance was once again…
Politics

‘We’re Off To See The World!’ Shout Saluting Trump Boys Setting Sail On D.C. Reflecting Pool

WASHINGTON—Embarking on their self-described “diplomatic voyage” at the National Mall Tuesday while their wives and children waved goodbye, Eric and Donald Trump Jr. reportedly declared,…
Football, Sports

Dan Snyder Walking Around Commanders Stadium Knocking Food Out Of People’s Hands
Politics

JD Vance Asks National Guard Member If He Can Touch Gun

WASHINGTON—Approaching cautiously after waiting for an opportune moment to pose his question, Vice President JD Vance reportedly asked a National Guardsman patrolling the nation’s capital…
News

Atrocities Keep Getting In Frame Of D.C. Tourist’s Shot

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that he wasn’t going to leave the nation’s capital without getting one good photograph, D.C. tourist Stan Jacobs expressed frustration Friday after atrocities kept…
Politics

Trump, Zelensky Sit Across From Each Other In Awkward Silence At Georgetown Cupcake

American Voices

Trump Threatens Stadium Deal If Washington Commanders Don’t Change Name Back

President Donald Trump called for the Washington Commanders to change their name back to a previous one deemed offensive to Native Americans, threatening the NFL…
Local

Shitty Beard Barely Has Any Frolicsome Woodland Creatures Living In It

SPOKANE, WA—Stressing that the best move would be to just shave the whole thing off, sources confirmed Thursday that area man Stephen Blanchet’s shitty beard…

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