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Vol 24: Issue 16

Drunk Of The Week

MITCH MELUM
Cultural Idiocy Quiz

Magazine Mania
Entertainment

Sonic Booms

Out of Sight, Out of Mind
Commentary, Opinion

Saturday Morning Live Is A Comedic Masterpiece!

There are ulterior motives hidden behind many of the articles you read in today’s media. For example, if Time magazine runs a glowing review of…
Local

Professor To Publish Book

“It will have pages,” Say Sources
Commentary, Opinion

Friction Must Be Eliminated!

Toward a Purer Physics

Local

Highbrow Student Apartments Offer Authentic East-Coast Feel

Wealthy Tenants Gladly Pay Extra For Filth, Crime And Vermin
The Onion's Weekly Campus Crime Roundup

Compiled from the logs of University Police & Security
Entertainment, Horoscopes

Your Real Horoscope

Aries: (Mar. 21–Apr. 19) Your memo concerning the Schinderman account has been posted in the lunchroom so that others may laugh at your poor spelling.
Local

Loveliest Buses Compete For The Crown In City-Wide Bus Pageant

ARCOLA, OHIO—The sweet, intoxicating aroma of fuel exhaust has bewitched residents of Arcola, Ohio for years. This winter, those residents will pay homage to the…

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