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Kris Jenner Celebrates 70th Face
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‘Wicked’ Director Reveals Sequel Will Pick Up Right Where First Branded Tumbler Left Off

LOS ANGELES—Preparing fans to jump back into the beloved world of Oz, Wicked: For Good director Jon M. Chu revealed this week that the upcoming…
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Alarmed Taylor Swift Watches As Travis Kelce Prints Out Buffalo Wild Wings Catering Menu

LEAWOOD, KS—Her eyes widening at the sight of the piece of paper moving inch by inch out of the machine, an alarmed Taylor Swift reportedly…
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Twirling Britney Spears Unaware Phone Died Hours Ago
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The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Katy Perry And Justin Trudeau

Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau’s rumored romance has taken the internet by storm. The Onion sat down with the celebrity couple to discuss their fledgling…

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24-Hour Horror Movie Marathon Attended With Other Failures

MILWAUKEE—Expressing enthusiasm about the programming and atmosphere at the Avalon Theater’s all-night screening, local man Dan Wittman reportedly attended a 24-hour Scare-O-Rama horror marathon this…
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Report: Guy Who Sings ‘Thriller’ Has Bunch Of Non-Halloween Music, Too

CLEVELAND—Revealing a vast, forgotten catalog of legitimate pop compositions, a report released Thursday about novelty musical act Michael Joseph Jackson found that the man who…
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YouTube Comment Section Astounded To Learn Chicks Can Rock Too

SAN BRUNO, CA—Expressing surprise and delight at the notion that gals could also shred, dozens of YouTube users who stumbled upon the Mousers’ cover of…
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The Onion’s Top Songs: October 2025

1 FROWNIN’ AT NIGHT THE WEEKEND 2 EMBERS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT TAYLOR SWIFT 3 PORK ME WITH YOUR CHODE SABRINA CARPENTER 4 RATTLING CHAINS…
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Everything We Know About ‘Nobody Wants This’ Season 2

Another season of Nobody Wants This dropped on Netflix, marking a new chapter in the love story between a sex-positive podcaster and a rabbi in…
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‘Welcome To Derry’ Viewer Can Tell Pennywise Got Work Done

BOSTON—Remarking that the malevolent clown seemed not to have aged a day in the years since his last screen appearance, It: Welcome To Derry viewer Alana Meyer told…

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Wedding Planner Gingerly Asks Taylor Swift If She’s Considered Dance Lessons

NEW YORK—Attempting to broach the sensitive subject as delicately as possible, Taylor Swift’s wedding planner reportedly asked the artist Friday if she had ever considered…
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Biggest Revelations From ‘Mr. Scorsese’

A new five-part docuseries on Apple TV examines the life and career of iconic filmmaker Martin Scorsese. Here are the biggest and most shocking revelations…
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Katy Perry Releases New Single About Superiority Of Canadian Manufacturing

MONTECITO, CA—Signaling a new chapter in her career, pop star Katy Perry released a new single Monday about the superiority of Canadian manufacturing. “When I…
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Artist Profile: Addison Rae

Former TikTok star Addison Rae is currently on her first world tour and promoting her debut studio album, Addison. The Onion shares everything you need…
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Charli XCX Escalates Feud By Luring Travis Kelce Away With Beef Stick
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Nicole Kidman Tosses ‘The Garfield Movie’ Soundtrack Onto Burn Pile

NASHVILLE, TN—Adding to an already heaping assortment of books, clothing, and photos that reminded her of soon-to-be ex-husband Keith Urban, actress Nicole Kidman reportedly tossed…

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