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Aaron Rodgers

Football, Sports

Aaron Rodgers Clearly Now Just Taking Beliefs From Commercials He’s Seen

PITTSBURGH—Noting that conversations with the veteran signal-caller had become more perplexing than ever, sources close to Aaron Rodgers confirmed Wednesday that the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback…
Football, Sports

Aaron Rodgers Suffers Torn Cerebellum After Attempting Telepathic Audible

PITTSBURGH—In a devastating setback that could sideline the quarterback for weeks, sources confirmed Sunday that Aaron Rodgers suffered a torn cerebellum after attempting a telepathic…
Sports

Aaron Rodgers Purchases Lavish Pittsburgh-Area Bunker

PITTSBURGH—After the Steelers signed him to a one-year, $13.6 million deal with performance incentives, quarterback Aaron Rodgers reportedly purchased a lavish underground bunker Tuesday in…
Sports

Aaron Rodgers Goes On Ayahuasca Retreat In Search Of New Interview Anecdote

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—In what the 41-year-old New York Jets quarterback described as a “transformative experience,” Aaron Rodgers confirmed Wednesday that he’d gone on an ayahuasca…
Sports

Aaron Rodgers Fuming That NFL Hasn’t Added Expansion Team To Sign Him

MONTCLAIR, NJ—Declaring that this was no way to treat a Super Bowl winner and four-time league MVP, quarterback Aaron Rodgers told reporters Friday that he…
Football

Aaron Rodgers Shows Rookies How To Break Down Zapruder Film

NEW YORK—Calling his nightly study sessions the difference between winning and losing the war against the deep state, New York Jets quarterback Aaron Rodgers reportedly…

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