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Vol 61: Issue 46

American Voices

Record Number Of Women Want To Leave U.S.

A record 40% of American women aged 15–44 say they would like to move abroad permanently, more than twice the share of men, due to…
American Voices

‘Lucifer Bee’ With Devil-Like Horns Discovered In Australia

Australian researchers identified a new species of native bee with tiny horn-like projections on the female’s face, prompting comparisons to a Satanic figure. What do…
News

Kourtney Kardashian Casually Mentions She Passed Bar Just Fine
News

Ghislaine Maxwell Conceals Escape Tunnel Behind Pinup Poster Of Shirley Temple
Entertainment

Cynthia Erivo Disappointed To Discover All Her ‘Wicked: For Good’ Scenes Cut

LOS ANGELES—Admitting she felt “a little silly” after getting all dressed up for the premiere, Cynthia Erivo told reporters Friday she was disappointed after discovering…
Politics

Timeline Of Nancy Pelosi’s Career

After decades in the House of Representatives, Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has announced she will not seek reelection next year. The Onion looks back at…

Local

Cat Follows Man Through Apartment Like Racist Walgreens Employee

SEATTLE—In an effort that was intended to be subtle but was clearly targeted, local cat Arlo reportedly followed pet owner Joshua Rice around his apartment…
American Voices

New AI Chatbots Let Users Text With Jesus

Churches are deploying AI-powered chatbots that let users “text with Jesus,” tailor spiritual guidance, and engage with faith-based characters. What do you think?
Entertainment

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Sydney Sweeney

Sydney Sweeney, star of the new boxing film Christy, is once again at the center of controversy after the biopic flopped at the box office.…
News

‘No! Not Larry Summers!’ Wails Devastated Nation

WASHINGTON—Responding to recent revelations suggesting the prominent economist was a close associate of the late child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, a devastated nation reportedly joined…
Politics

Trump Says Epstein Emails Only Prove He One Of The Most Emailed-About Men In History

WASHINGTON—In the wake of the House Oversight Committee releasing more than 20,000 pages of documents from the estate of Jeffrey Epstein, some of which raised…
News

Scientists Confirm Aurora Borealis Will Be Visible On Google Images Tonight

BOULDER, CO—Stressing that it represented an ideal opportunity to see one of nature’s greatest wonders, scientists at the NOAA Space Weather Prediction Center confirmed Thursday…

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