Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Barack Obama Enrolls In Self-Defense Classes After Trump Rolls Back Secret Service Protection For Former Presidents Named Barack Obama Hear why former President Obama is also investing in a Ring camera for his front door and a fresh can of pepper spray.
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Brian Kemp Unveils Specially Trained Hogs That Can Root Out Voter Fraud Hear why the Georgia governor is hopeful this herd of swine will be able to detect something humans cannot.
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Pope Francis Bags 6-Winged Trophy Angel During Vatican’s Annual Seraphim Hunt OPR joins His Holy Father in the most remote parts of Heaven to learn a little more about this time-honored tradition.
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Study Finds Adults Over 50 Should Get Colonoscopy To Determine Whether Aliens Are Controlling You From The Inside Hear why you or a loved one could be at increased risk of being piloted by an extraterrestrial like a fleshy, human skin puppet.
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Nation’s Long-Haired Old Men In Flowy Linen Shirts Announce You Are Loved Hear why these gentle elders are adamant that their love for us all needs no reason, just as a sunrise need not a reason to…
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Inside The Sacred Temple Where People Magazine’s Ancestral Editors Choose Their Sexiest Man Alive Each Year From George Clooney to Michael B. Jordan, People magazine publishes this attention-grabbing feature every winter. But how do they do it? We’ll take a look…
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Newly Uncovered DNA Evidence Frees Thousands Of Damned Souls From Hell Hear how justice was finally served for those wrongfully accused of greed, glutony, and premarital sex.
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts American Obesity Epidemic Traced To Single Heavyset ‘Mayflower’ Passenger On this special Thanksgiving Day episode, hear how your own tendency to overeat and your aversion to exercise could stem all the way back to…
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Humane Society Urges Americans To Opt For Shelter Turkey This Thanksgiving Hear why some animal activists are asking people to consider giving one of the thousands of lonely turkeys trapped in an animal shelter a nice,…
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Monsanto Lab On Lockdown After Scientists Find Shattered Tomato Containment Unit Hear why Monsanto authorities are still struggling to apprehend the tomato due to it’s unusual size and strength.
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Hormel CEO Dares Anyone To Try And Come For His Chili Empire Hear why if you come for the crown of Hormel CEO Jim Snee, King of Chili, you best not miss.
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts New Study Reveals Majority Of Memory Lapses Brought On By Visiting Government Black Site If you’re feeling a little more forgetful nowadays, you’re not alone. Hear why it could be linked to being blindfolded, thrown into the back of…
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts NASA Scientists Confirm Earth Dating The Moon Hear why a natural, mutual chemistry finally led the two intergalactic lovebirds to making it official.
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Aryan Brotherhood Reports Record Surge In Donations On Election Night Hear how the dramatic increase in grassroots fundraising could help spread the Aryan Brotherhood’s message of racial purity nationwide.
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Nation Regrets Not Signing Prenup After Finding Out Trump Entitled To Half Of Country’s Assets Hear how Trump’s lawyers plan to aggressively go after the nation’s belongings, and why the American people are likely going to have to pony up.
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts Soldier Faces Difficult Adjustment To Life At Home After Long Trip To Bathroom On this Veteran’s Day, The Topical honors one brave service member and his long road back to normalcy after a particularly long and grueling tour…
Onion Public Radio, Podcasts OPR Health Insurance Lists Leslie Price As Employee’s Only In-Network Primary Care Provider Host Leslie Price sits down with staff members of The Topical for their annual checkup.