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Nature Begins Reclaiming Chuck Grassley
News

Biologists Announce There Absolutely Nothing We Can Learn From Clams

WOODS HOLE, MA—Saying they saw no conceivable reason to bother with the bivalve mollusks, biologists at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution announced Thursday that there…
News

National Park Service Begins Offering Annual Body-Dumping Pass

WASHINGTON—Expanding its suite of discounted entry options to draw in more visitors, the National Park Service announced Tuesday the rollout of a new annual body-dumping…
American Voices

Woman Found Living With 2 Daughters In Cave

Police in India’s southern Karnataka state discovered a 40-year-old Russian woman and her young daughters living in an isolated cave in a snake-infested forest for…
News

Study Finds Plants Increasingly Reliant On Gig Workers For Pollination

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Uncovering a troubling disruption of America’s ecological systems, a study published Friday by researchers at Harvard University found that plants have become increasingly reliant…
Local

Seagull This Far Inland Must Be Total Fuckup

KNOXVILLE, TN—Questioning how the bird could have possibly ended up more than 300 miles from the nearest ocean, sources confirmed Friday that a seagull that…

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