Crime

American Voices

Fabergé Egg Recovered After Being Swallowed By Thief

Police in New Zealand recovered a rare $19,000 Fabergé egg pendant swallowed by an alleged thief, with the pendant exiting his body naturally after six…
Politics

Pete Hegseth Wakes Up At 3 P.M. With Dozen Missed Calls From The Hague
Commentary

Not Sure How They Deal With Criminals In Your Town, But ’Round Here We Use A Restorative Justice Process

Well, well, well. What have we got here? Another city slicker who thinks he can waltz into my town and start causin’ all sorts of…
News

Study: Practicing Kung Fu Naked In Mirror Best Indicator Of Being Domestic Terrorist

ARLINGTON, VA—In a finding that researchers confirmed could greatly assist in identifying potential bad actors, a study released Friday by the Department of Defense concluded…
Local, News

Vasectomy Hot-Wired

LONG BEACH, CA—Wiping sweat from his brow as he clenched a scalpel in his mouth, a man reportedly hot-wired a vasectomy Friday while his accomplice…
American Voices

Priceless Jewels Stolen From Louvre In Daytime Raid

The Louvre Museum in Paris closed temporarily after thieves broke in and stole several priceless Napoleon-era jewels, the brazen seven-minute raid taking place just after…

News

Researchers Identify Gene Responsible For Visualizing Murder After Touching Missing Person’s Sweater

STANFORD, CA—Shedding new light on the rare trait’s origins, researchers at the Stanford School of Medicine announced Friday that they had successfully identified the gene…
Local

Grown Man Licking Ice Cream Cone Placed On Sex Offender Registry

WELLS, ME—Stating that citizens had a right to be warned about the types of individuals residing in their area, authorities confirmed Thursday that they had…
News

ICE Boasts Zero Murders Committed By 5-Year-Olds Since Child Detainments Began

WASHINGTON—Touting a new crime report as evidence their ramped-up operations were improving American life, Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials announced Friday that there had been…
American Voices

Ex-Quarterback Mark Sanchez Charged With Felony Battery

Former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez faces a felony battery charge after allegedly confronting a 69-year-old truck driver at a hotel loading dock, with the driver…
American Voices

Taylor Swift Secures 5-Year Restraining Order Against Stalker

Taylor Swift was granted a five-year restraining order against an alleged stalker who repeatedly appeared at her home and made delusional claims about having a…
News

Study Finds Regular Journaling Can Help Provide Clues About Mysterious Disappearance

BOSTON—In a new study that found the practice significantly improves outcomes for missing persons investigations, researchers at Northeastern University’s School of Criminology and Criminal Justice…