Become A Member. Get The Paper.

The Onion newspaper

Become A Member. Get The Paper.


Thursday, December 11, 2025

31°

Icy winds ruining hair, freezing it that way

The Onion

America’s Finest News Source


  • News
  • Local
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Sports
  • Opinion
    • Search
    • The Latest
    • Video
    • Horoscopes
    • The Onion Store
  • News
  • Local
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Sports
  • Opinion
    • Search
    • The Latest
    • Video
    • Horoscopes
    • The Onion Store

Thursday, December 11, 2025

31°

Icy winds ruining hair, freezing it that way

Become A Member
  • The Latest
  • News
  • Local
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Sports
  • Opinion
  • Video
  • Search
  • Horoscopes
  • About Us
  • The Onion Store
    • Instagram
    • Twitter
    • Facebook
    • YouTube
    • TikTok
    • Bluesky
    • Tumblr

Free Your Wallet. Shop The Onion Store.


Newsletter

  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • YouTube
  • TikTok
  • Bluesky
  • Tumblr

Share

  • Share on Facebook
  • Share on Bluesky
  • Share on X
  • Share on LinkedIn
  • Share on SMS
  • Email this Page
Onion News Network

Neighbors Always Knew Teen Gunman Was Evil And Did Nothing Because They Are Evil Too

Published:

October 31, 2025

Share

  • Share on Facebook
  • Share on X
  • Share on Bluesky
  • Share on LinkedIn
  • Share on SMS
  • Email this Page
Scream Mask Left On While Using Toilet
Continued on next page
Scream Mask Left On While Using Toilet
Continued on next page

Advertising

Advertising

Explore More Videos

  • Fraternity Under Investigation After Forcing Pledges To Volunteer At Soup Kitchen
    Onion News Network

    Fraternity Under Investigation After Forcing Pledges To Volunteer At Soup Kitchen

  • Study Finds Most Americans Can’t Find Where They Are Being Deported On Map
    Onion News Network

    Study Finds Most Americans Can’t Find Where They Are Being Deported On Map

  • Black Homeowners Receive Higher Appraisal After Displaying Pictures Of Klan Members
    Onion News Network

    Black Homeowners Receive Higher Appraisal After Displaying Pictures Of Klan Members

  • The Onion Investigates: Jeffrey Epstein
    Onion News Network

    The Onion Investigates: Jeffrey Epstein

  • The Onion Film Standard: Top Gun
    Onion Film Standard

    The Onion Film Standard: Top Gun

  • Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently
    Onion News Network

    Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently

  • The Onion Cultural Standard: Real Housewives of Atlanta
    Onion Film Standard

    The Onion Cultural Standard: Real Housewives of Atlanta

  • White House Evacuated After Trans Alarm Goes Off
    Onion News Network

    White House Evacuated After Trans Alarm Goes Off


Explore Tags

Video

The Latest

  • Golden Globes Introduces Best Podcast Category
    American Voices

    Golden Globes Introduces Best Podcast Category

  • Study Finds Young People Now Watch More YouTube Content Than Zoetropes Of Galloping Horses
    News

    Study Finds Young People Now Watch More YouTube Content Than Zoetropes Of Galloping Horses

  • Customer Service Discloses Call Will Be Monitored For Sadistic Amusement
    Local

    Customer Service Discloses Call Will Be Monitored For Sadistic Amusement

  • Can You Guys Come Pick Me Up? I Accidentally Returned To Mars
    Commentary

    Can You Guys Come Pick Me Up? I Accidentally Returned To Mars


Your Horoscope — Today’s Birthday

  •  

    Sagittarius

    (November 22 to December 21):

    The stars appreciate your “whistle while you work” philosophy, but pallbearers are typically expected to be silent.

    Read Your Horoscope

Subscribe for all the latest Headlines

"*" indicates required fields

*

Sections

  • The Latest
  • News
  • Local
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Sports
  • Opinion
  • Video

Explore

  • Search
  • About Us
  • Become a Member
  • The Onion Store
  • Front Page Archive
  • Jobs

© 2025

The Onion

Privacy Policy

Cookie Policy

Terms of Use

DMCA

Print Membership Terms

  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • YouTube
  • TikTok
  • Bluesky
  • Tumblr