Horoscopes

Aries | March 21 to April 19 Running away from your problems will fail this week, as will climbing out of your problems’ reach and…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 You’ll be thrilled all the way down to your toenails this week when electrodes are planted in the…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 You will soon make a comfortable living exploiting other people’s deep-seated anxieties and crippling social fears. Taurus |…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 Your feeling of impending doom shall come to nothing again this week as the world continues to turn…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 You’ll finally get into shape this week, though which one exactly, isn’t clear yet. Taurus | April 20…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 For the third excruciating week in a row, you will find yourself powerless to prevent your day from…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 Sleep will elude you as you wrestle all night with existential questions of mortality and meaning as well…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 After a long, sweaty, painful time trying to fix a knotty problem yourself, you’ll finally admit defeat and…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 You will soon embark on a long journey over water by night, which will be extremely romantic until you…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 Your belief that all life’s problems can be solved with a heart-to-heart talk and a good night’s sleep…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 Sometimes words are simply not enough to express how someone is feeling, which is why people keep insisting…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 All of your questions will soon be answered, including what’s that noise, who turned off all the lights,…

Aries | March 21 to April 19 Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll…

Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 The stars say to hold tight. Your life is about to undergo a dramatic change. Feel free to…

Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 You’ve raised three children, started a successful business, and made peace with God, but you’ll soon discover that…

Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 It’s a terrible time to travel, start a new romance, or take initiative in business matters, which is…