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Government Issues Citizens Official 'Screw You' Packet

All Federal Bureaucracy Consolidated Into One Convenient Mailing
Local

Shaggy Dog Too Late to Cheer Up Dying Boy

BOSTON—Terminally ill 5-year-old Timmy McWinn, formerly of Medford, MA, had one wish before his tragic death last week: to be visited one last time by…
Local

Area Beatnik Digs That Crazy Bebop

Jack Corso is not your typical young American. While most 23-year-olds these days are busy starting families and buying homes in the “suburbs,” Corso spends…
Hip New Alternative Band Has One-Word, One-Syllable Name

SEATTLE (UPI)—A hot recording by what listeners describe as a hip new alternative band was discovered yesterday by the staff of a local radio station,…
Weaned!

Area 18-Year-Old No Longer Breastfeeding
Police to Pillage, Terrify Community

‘Operation Psycho Pig Rampage’ to Begin Tonight

Drunken Man Makes Interesting Point About Society

A local drunken man made an interesting point about society late last night, incisively commenting on the U.S. government’s strangely misplaced priorities. Art Telsker, a…
Local

Chess Prodigy Gives Up Game After Getting Laid

To 14-year-old Milton Hervishbolt, the thrill of an efficient checkmate used to be the most rousing bodily sensation imaginable.
Drunk Of The Week

MITCH MELUM
Cultural Idiocy Quiz

Magazine Mania
Entertainment

Sonic Booms

Out of Sight, Out of Mind
Commentary, Opinion

Saturday Morning Live Is A Comedic Masterpiece!

There are ulterior motives hidden behind many of the articles you read in today’s media. For example, if Time magazine runs a glowing review of…

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