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Medical Student Practices Fat Shaming On Cadaver

INDIANAPOLIS—In an effort to get hands-on experience stigmatizing patients’ bodies in a safe environment, Indiana University medical student Dylan Loera confirmed Wednesday that she was…
Politics

White House Touts Affordability Of Hay-Based Thanksgiving Dishes

WASHINGTON—Responding to concerns about high grocery prices ahead of the holiday, President Donald Trump held a press conference Wednesday to tout the affordability of hay-based…
American Voices

ShamWow Guy Running For Congress

Vince Offer, the once-prominent infomercial pitchman better known as the “ShamWow guy,” has filed to run as a Republican in Texas’s 31st congressional district, claiming…
Onion News Network

Fraternity Under Investigation After Forcing Pledges To Volunteer At Soup Kitchen
News

Study: Average 19th-Century American Spent 93% Of Time Waving At Trains, Boats

PROVIDENCE, RI—Shedding new light on the everyday life of citizens during the Industrial Revolution, historians at Brown University concluded in a study published Tuesday that…
Entertainment

MPA Rates ‘Zootopia 2’ PG-13 For Sexually Awakening Content

WASHINGTON—Warning that the film might evoke certain feelings that audience members weren’t prepared to confront, the Motion Picture Association reportedly assigned Zootopia 2 a PG-13 rating Tuesday…

Football, Sports

Vince Lombardi Trophy Clanking Around In Trunk Of Roger Goodell’s Car
American Voices

Trump Claims Democrats’ Video To Military ‘Seditious Behavior, Punishable By Death’

President Trump accused Democratic lawmakers of “seditious behavior” after they released a video urging U.S. service members to refuse unlawful orders, claiming that it could…
American Voices

AI-Enabled Teddy Bear Pulled From Shelves For Giving Advice On BDSM, Where To Find Knives

Sales of an AI-enabled plush teddy bear were suspended after it was found to have given children explicit sexual content and dangerous guidance, such as…
Politics

White House Reclassifies Nursing As Hobby

WASHINGTON—Describing the practice as a “fun little side project” rather than an occupation, Education Secretary Linda McMahon announced Monday that nursing would be reclassified as…
News

Thanksgiving Travel By The Numbers

According to a new AAA report, a record number of Americans plan to travel 50 miles or more for the holidays this year. The Onion…
Politics

RFK Jr. Denies Ever Laying Eggs In Olivia Nuzzi

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to dispel rumors of an affair during the 2024 presidential campaign, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. held a…

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