Months of protests in Sri Lanka led to President Gotabaya Rajapaksa fleeing the country as the South Asian island nation remains embroiled in a political and economic crisis. The Onion tells you everything you need to know about the political crisis in Sri Lanka.
Q: Where is Sri Lanka? A: In Asia. Next to India. No, that’s Pakistan. The other side. That’s Bangladesh. It’s an island. Too far, that’s Taiwan. Just go back to India. Eh, close enough.
Q: What’s the cause of the unrest? A: An unpopular leader and growing inflation further divided the economy between the haves and have-nots in what is obviously an isolated incident globally.
Q: Why did protestors storm the presidential palace and set fire to the prime minister’s house? A: The same reason anyone commits a crime—they’ve been playing too many violent video games.
Q: Are the protestors fighting for democracy or a violent mob? A: They’re brave pro-democracy freedom fighters until the minute they try to nationalize any private industry.
Q: So who’s in charge now? A: Per the Sri Lankan constitution, the first person to yell “Cannonball!” and jump into the presidential palace pool.
Q: What is newly appointed president Ranil Wickremesinghe’s plan to tackle the crisis? A: Borrow money from the International Monetary Fund, then use a fake voice and quickly hang up every time they call to collect.
Q: Is Sri Lanka one of the countries America fucked up? A: Nope, this one is on the Brits.
Q: Can people power change Sri Lanka? A: Depends on if the country has an Electoral College or not.
