Become A Member. Get The Paper.

Apple

News

Tariff-Strained Apple Announces 7,083-Piece iPhone Kit

CUPERTINO, CA—Amidst the strain of tariffs, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced Thursday the launch of a new 7,083-piece iPhone kit. “Apple customers will have a…
Local

New iPad Offers 3 Months Of Something Called Apple Deli+

CHICAGO—Unsure what to make of the perk that came bundled with his recently purchased device, area man David Halstead reported Tuesday that his new iPad…
American Voices

FDA Approves New AirPods As Hearing Aids

The Food and Drug Administration approved Apple’s new hearing aid feature for their AirPods Pro 2 earbuds that amplifies sounds for people with perceived mild…
American Voices, Opinion

U.S. Sues Apple

The Justice Department filed an antitrust lawsuit against Apple, alleging that they engaged in practices to create a monopoly and keep customers reliant on their…
News

Apple Unveils New Apple Vision Pro Mini

CUPERTINO, CA—Touting the product as the smallest virtual reality headset in the world, Apple held a keynote presentation at its headquarters Wednesday to unveil a…
News

Apple Reveals Vision Pro Has Been Autonomous Vehicle All Along

CUPERTINO, CA—Stunning fans and investors who had long assumed the company’s electric car project was dead, CEO Tim Cook took the stage at an Apple…

American Voices, Opinion

Apple Vision Pro Users Returning Devices

Citing issues like limited usability and headaches, many Apple Vision Pro owners have begun returning their devices, which retail for $3,500. What do you think?
News

New Apple Vision Pro App Features Friends, Family Telling Wearer They Look Really Cool And Normal In VR Headset

CUPERTINO, CA—Providing a groundbreaking virtual experience that makes users feel like they aren’t stupid and lame, Apple revealed a new Vision Pro app Friday that…
Entertainment

New Apple Vision Pro Ad Shows User Standing Chest-Deep In Flood Waters Watching ‘Ted Lasso’

CUPERTINO, CA—Offering consumers a glimpse at the device’s full potential, Apple released a new ad for its new Vision Pro headset Tuesday showing a user…
News

God Still Little Pissed Off Every Time Human Takes Bite From Apple

THE HEAVENS—Stressing the act amounted to spitting directly on His holy edicts, the Lord our God, Divine Creator and Ruler of the Universe, announced Monday…
Infographic, News

Features Of The Apple Vision Pro

Apple unveiled Monday its first-ever augmented-reality headset, which will begin retailing next year. The Onion looks at the specs and cool features of the Apple…
Opinion

Fans React To Apple’s New VR Headset

After the tech company introduced the Apple Vision Pro, The Onion asked Apple fans what they thought about the new VR headset, and this is…

Advertising

Advertising

In Other News