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Aging

American Voices

80-Year-Old Becomes Oldest Woman To Hike Appalachian Trail

Eighty-year-old Betty Kellenberger, without realizing it, became the oldest person to complete the Appalachian Trail, pushing through injuries and weather challenges to finish the full…
Local

‘Try Not To Stare At Her Mouth,’ Says Mom In Ominous Update On Grandma’s Health
Local

Mailman Too Old To Be Out There
News

Tinder Update Classifies Female Age Input Over 35 As System Error

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA—Causing widespread frustration among women who dared to search for love in middle adulthood, an update to the popular dating app Tinder reportedly…
Entertainment

No One In James Taylor Audience Has Functional Enough Knees To Give Standing Ovation

CHICAGO—Despite numerous reports that the performance was “just absolutely fantastic,” nobody in the audience of a recent James Taylor concert had functional enough knees to…
Local

Elderly Woman Keeps Mind Active Justifying Trump’s Actions

LEXINGTON, KY—Stressing the importance of regularly performing mental gymnastics to prevent cognitive decline, local 80-year-old Edna Connolly confirmed Thursday that she keeps her mind active…

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