Children

Entertainment

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Ms. Rachel

Rachel Accurso, better known as Ms. Rachel, is a popular YouTuber who creates videos for toddlers. The Onion sat down with Ms. Rachel to discuss…
Local

Teacher Asks What First Graders Want To Be Once Child Labor Laws Repealed

LIBERTY, MO—After reading aloud a picture book about a puppy that works in a coal mine, local first grade teacher Brianna Montgomery asked her students…
Local

Baby Saves Affair

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following a long rough patch that had led them to consider ending their adulterous relationship, local married man Greg Whitfeld, 47, and his…
News

Texas Bans Being Different Around Children

AUSTIN, TX—In a landmark piece of legislation designed to stifle individuality across the state, the Texas Legislature passed a bill Friday that legally banned being…
American Voices

2nd Grader Orders 70,000 Lollipops On Amazon

A Kentucky mom is speaking out after her 8-year-old son unknowingly ordered 30 boxes of Dum-Dums lollipops on Amazon, racking up a $4,200 charge. What…
Local

Teacher Can Tell Child With Spiky Hair, Sunglasses Comes From A Rad Home

TUCSON, AZ—Expressing concerns after she observed several of the telltale warning signs, fourth-grade teacher Patricia Cormac told reporters Wednesday that she could tell a student…

Local

Couple Debates Ethical Implications Of Bringing Another Child Into This Bar

AUGUSTA, GA—Racked with guilt at the thought of making the wrong decision, local couple Anthony Wells and Katherine MacNaughton were reportedly debating on Tuesday the…
News

The White House’s Plan For Reversing The Declining Birth Rate

The Trump administration is considering proposals that would help reverse the nation’s declining birth rate. Here are the White House’s ideas for encouraging women to…
News

Study Finds Handmade Boy Marionettes Falling Behind Peers In School

NEW YORK—Revealing a concerning decades-long decline in academic achievement for the demographic, a New York University study published Monday found that handmade boy marionettes were…
News

Parenting Experts Share Tips For Talking To Kids About Being Heir To Throne Of Small European Kingdom

CHICAGO—Stressing that the delicate subject should be broached sensitively and responsibly, parenting experts from the University of Chicago shared tips Thursday for talking to kids…
News

NASA Rescues Children Stranded For 9 Months At Space Camp

HUNTSVILLE, AL—Confirming that the group’s long ordeal was finally over, NASA announced Thursday that it had successfully rescued three children stranded for more than nine…
American Voices

3-Year-Old Discovers 3,800-Year-Old Amulet While On Family Outing

A 3-year-old girl found a scarab-shaped Canaanite amulet dating back some 3,800 years while on a hike with family in Israel. What do you think?