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WNBA Players Forced To Supplement Incomes During Offseason By Cheerleading For NBA Teams

MINNEAPOLIS—Grabbing their pom-poms before heading out to pump up the crowd, several WNBA players confirmed Thursday that they have been forced to supplement their incomes…
Basketball

LeBron James Denies Son Receiving Preferential Treatment When Being Lifted Up To Dunk

LOS ANGELES—Emphasizing that he treated the 20-year-old the same as any other rookie, Lakers power forward LeBron James denied Wednesday that his son Bronny received…
Football

Tom Brady Breaks Down Exactly Why Jiu Jitsu Instructor Could Never Please Gisele

GREEN BAY, WI—Completely ignoring a tackle for loss on the field, Fox Sports NFL announcer Tom Brady began to break down exactly why the jiu jitsu instructor now…
Football

Travis Kelce Asks Nerd For Help Passing Concussion Protocol

KANSAS CITY, MO—Forging an unlikely alliance with the “dorky” team statistician, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce reportedly enlisted a nerd Monday to help him…
Baseball

Undeterred Yankees Fan Attempts To Wrestle World Series Trophy Away From Mookie Betts

Football

Deshaun Watson Figures Now A Good Time To Get Into Dog Fighting

CLEVELAND—Discussing how his season-ending injury had inspired him to explore other interests, Cleveland Browns quarterback Deshaun Watson told reporters this week that now might be…
Baseball

Mr. Met’s Head Washes Up On Banks Of East River
Basketball

Reformed Ja Morant More Into Swords Now

SALT LAKE CITY—Saying he had learned his lesson following his suspensions by the NBA for two incidents in which he brandished firearms, a reformed Ja…
Football

Harrison Butker Insists He Won’t Let Politics Distract From Upcoming Race War

KANSAS CITY, MO—Quieting doubts from supporters that he wasn’t focused enough on getting a win on the board for the Aryan people, NFL place-kicker Harrison…
Sports

Hades’ Inferno Stadium Once Again Ranked Toughest Arena To Play In

NEW YORK—The site of just two home losses in the past millennium due to the incredibly hostile atmosphere of the malevolent venue, Hades’ Inferno Stadium…
Baseball

MLB Adds Clock To Speed Up Joe Davis’ Commentary

NEW YORK—Issuing a rule change they claimed was necessary to bring the game into the 21st century, Major League Baseball officials announced Wednesday they would…

Baseball

Yankees Move To Connecticut To Raise Kids

NEW YORK—Following months of soul searching and a protracted home sale negotiation, the New York Yankees reportedly moved to Southport, CT this week to settle…
Football

Travis Kelce Suffers Film-Career-Beginning Injury

KANSAS CITY, MO—In a stunning turn of events that shocked fans during the Chiefs’ game against the New Orleans Saints, sources confirmed Monday night that…
Football

Deion Sanders Admits He Has No Idea What School Colorado Buffaloes Play For

BOULDER, CO—Emphasizing that he was primarily focused on running the football team, head coach Deion Sanders admitted to reporters Wednesday that he has absolutely zero…
Football

NFL Referee Under Fire For Watching Porn On Instant Replay Device

DALLAS—Facing serious consequences for multiple violations of the league’s HR guidelines, local NFL referee Greg Clancy reportedly came under fire this weekend for watching pornography…
Football

NFL Sunday Ticket Allows Viewers To Simulcast Up To 4 Domestic Violence Trials At Once

NEW YORK—Offering football fans the chance to catch every testimony and cross-examination without having to change the channel, NFL Sunday Ticket announced this week that…
Baseball

Ohtani Cashes In 50-Home-Run Futures Bet Ticket

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