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Vol 61: Issue 32

American Voices

Tarantulas Overcome Southwest During Mating Season

Thousands of male tarantulas are expected to emerge across several south and midwestern states in search of mates, with experts recommending giving them space if…
American Voices

Couple Welcomes Baby Born From 31-Year-Old Embryo

An Ohio couple gave birth to a baby developed from an embryo that had been frozen for more than 30 years, which appears to be…
News

What To Know About The Tea App

Tea, an app that encourages women to write reviews about men they’ve dated, was recently hit by a data breach, with thousands of photos and…
Local

Restless Billionaire Regrets Having Infusion Of Child’s Blood After 4 P.M.

SAN FRANCISCO—Kicking himself for having made such a foolish error in judgment, restless tech billionaire Jasper Stroud expressed regret Friday at having an infusion of…
Football

Panicking NBC Realizes They Left Cris Collinsworth In Broadcast Booth All Offseason

PHILADELPHIA—Rushing into a darkened stadium and dreading what they might discover, NBC Sports producers reportedly panicked Friday upon realizing they had accidentally left analyst Cris…
Politics

RFK Jr. Recommends Eating Good Cancer To Kill The Bad Cancer

WASHINGTON—Suggesting an unorthodox alternative to standard oncological treatments, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. issued recommendations Friday that encourage Americans to eat…

News

New Death With Indignity Law Lets Terminally Ill Be Crushed By Falling Vending Machines

BOISE, ID—In what is being hailed as a victory for advocates of the right to end one’s life in total humiliation, the Idaho Legislature passed…
Local

Warm, Encouraging Email From CEO Quickly Identified As Phishing Attempt

AUSTIN, TX—Arousing suspicion among the digital marketing firm’s employees with its warm and solicitous tone, an encouraging email sent from the account of Pulse of…
Local

Flour Sack Still Dealing With Trauma Of Being Raised By Single Teenage Mother

CLEVELAND—Revealing a vulnerable side while sharing the traumatic experience with a therapist, a 5-pound sack of flour confirmed Thursday that it was still processing the…
Politics

Trump Readjusts Golf Tee In JD Vance’s Mouth
Entertainment

Biggest Revelations From The New Gwyneth Paltrow Biography

For her new unauthorized biography of Gwyneth Paltrow, journalist Amy Odell conducted more than 220 interviews, both on and off the record. Here are the…
American Voices

Radioactive Wasp Nest Discovered Near Nuclear Waste Storage Site

A radioactive wasp nest was discovered at a U.S. Department of Energy facility in South Carolina that was once involved in the production of parts…

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