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Vol 61: Issue 27

American Voices

Study Finds Tiny Nose Robots Can Be Used To Clean Sinuses

Researchers in China claim that swarms of medical nano-robots the size of a speck of dust could someday be used to clean out infected human…
News

ICE Has Gall To Leave Raided Restaurant Negative Review

SAN DIEGO—Following a surprise restaurant raid Friday in which dozens of employees were taken into custody, witnesses reported that on top of everything else, the…
Entertainment

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Lorde

New Zealand singer-songwriter Lorde has released Virgin, her fourth studio album. The Onion sat down with the artist to discuss identity, inspiration, and what’s next.…
American Voices

Royal Train To Be Decommissioned

King Charles will retire the “royal train,” a private rail line established in 1840 to transport members of the royal family across Britain, in an…
Politics

What’s In Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill

President Donald Trump’s budget megabill is in the House of Representatives after being narrowly passed by the Senate. Here are the key items in “The…
Cartoons

Killer Tune

News

Study Finds Curative Power Of Prayer Limited To Genital Warts

CHICAGO—Emphasizing the constraints of God’s healing hands, a new study published Thursday in the Journal Of The American Medical Association found that the curative power…
Politics

Stephen Miller Informed Wife Will Be Working Late On Baby For Elon Again
Entertainment

Jared Leto Teases ‘Tron: Ares’ Villain Will Be Teen Girl Who Lies For Attention

LOS ANGELES—Revealing new details about the highly anticipated film, actor and producer Jared Leto teased Wednesday that the villain in Tron: Ares would be a…
News

FDA Recalls 3 Oranges To Prove They Can Juggle

SILVER SPRING, MD—Issuing a public warning for Americans to watch or they might miss out, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration reportedly recalled three navel…
News

Report: Average American’s Retirement Plan Involves Richard Gere Falling For Them After Paying For Sex

WASHINGTON—Highlighting a growing wealth gap nationwide, the Pew Research Center published a report Wednesday that revealed the average American’s plan for retirement now involves Richard…
Local

Dad Carrying 2-Person Inner Tube Up Waterslide Steps Like Christ Bearing Cross

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