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Vol 29: Issue 2

Local

Middle-Class Suburbanites Fail to See Irony in Their Lives

Princeton University’s renowned Institute for Advanced Studies revealed yesterday that the middle class, known to French social theorists as the “petit-bourgeoisie,” failed in over 98…
NASA Nears Completion of $80 Trillion Earth Sock

Amid much fanfare, NASA officials unveiled the first satellite photos of the nearly completed Earth Sock yesterday at Cape Canaveral. The mood among attending scientists,…
Local

Corporate Merger Results in Global Headshop Conglomerate

AUSTIN, TX—Since the 1970s, “Bong on a Drum” and “Party Hopper” have been competitors, offering high-quality decorative smoking pipes, tie-dyed T-shirts and multi-purpose nitrous-oxide dispensers.…
Enraged Gorilla Beats, Maims Luggage Manufacturer

Still furious over his inability to inflict damage upon numerous pieces of high-quality Samsonite luggage many years ago, Bobo the Gorilla severely pummeled Samsonite CEO…
Politics

Native Americans Ask Very Nicely For Country Back

A delegation representing a broad range of Native American governments converged on Washington, D.C., today, presenting a prepared statement before Congress. The statement, described as…

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