Canaan—The sacred covenant made between Abraham and the Hebrew god Yahweh expired Monday, setting off a fierce round of re-negotiations between Jewish representatives and God’s legal counsel. Area Jews are hoping for a contract similar to the one made 6,000 years ago with the Lord—a contract that not only made them God’s chosen people, but also included significant land incentives, most notably the Promised Land known today as Israel. “If God thinks we are just going to roll over and re-sign, that’s one deity that’s got another thing coming,” said Hollywood superagent Mike Ovitz, who has been called in by the Jews to negotiate. “I want a package deal, with domestic and international rights. And this whole Arab thing, forget about it.” God’s legal team declined comment.
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