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Vol 29: Issue 4

Dispatch, News

Jews Ordered Back to Egypt for Pyramid Duty

CAIRO—Citing thousands of years of grueling wear and tear on its famed pyramids, the Egyptian government recalled the Jewish people yesterday. The Jews, though currently…
Local

Fanzine Marred by Typo

BERKELEY, CA—A clear typographical error was discovered yesterday in the latest issue of MangaMash, a fanzine devoted to hardcore Japanese speed metal bands and Sanrio/Hello…
Politics

New Government Shutdown Caused by Bat in Capitol

The federal government shut down again on Monday at 5 p.m. when a bat was spotted flying around the inside of the U.S. Capitol building.…
Dispatch, News

First National Bank Announces: 'Suckers, We're Keeping All the Money'

BOSTON—The First National Bank of Boston, the nation’s largest commercial bank, announced yesterday that it will no longer hold on to its customers’ money and…

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