News

REDMOND, WA—In a move designed to hasten the inevitable, billionaire Microsoft tycoon Bill Gates announced yesterday that from now on, he will be getting half.

HOUSTON—The international aerospace community was shocked Monday when the experimental new Phoebus 3 Space Shuttle rocketed into space prematurely, manned only with two bumbling NASA…

MINNEAPOLIS—U.S. Bureau of Departmental Operations secretary Helen Lastrom, 38, is slated to personalize her workplace, a six-foot square cubicle delineated by three grayish-brown office dividers,…

Sudanese President-for-Life Welcomes Questions, Comments

VATICAN CITY—In a radical break from centuries of strict church doctrine, the Pope approved a measure yesterday that would allow gay men and boys to…

Many ‘Winners’ Found to Have Lost Badly

James and Vito Vincenzo, brothers and co-owners of Vincenzo Family Construction and Waste Removal Corporation of Long Island, NY, announced Monday they will give the…

Washington, D.C.—The American condiment community reacted with shock Monday when the U.S. Department of Natural Resources announced that the nation’s natural mayonnaise reserves, long thought…

A University of California-Berkeley study released Tuesday revealed that broads have made significant progress in the workplace over the past decade.

Food lovers of America, a revolutionary new synthetic fat-substitute wonder-substance created under my direction has at last been approved by the FDA and will soon…