The White House has announced they will be reviewing all exhibits at the Smithsonian Institution in order “to assess tone, historical framing, and alignment with American ideals.” Here is a selection of the changes President Trump is demanding be implemented immediately.
New wing about the Cola wars
Plaques updated to confirm that wooly mammoths were white
Artifacts will be returned to the people who originally stole them
Air and Space Museum must loan all planes, shuttles, and gliders to Israel
Portraits and sculptures of nude women relocated to men’s bathroom
Overnight dismantling of anything even resembling disability accommodation
Melania added as newest of the 274 lifelike specimens in the Hall of Mammals
Blindfolds handed out at the entrance to the National Museum of African American History
The Wright brothers will be referred to as the Flight brothers because it just makes more sense
At least one exhibit about how magic tricks work
Last sentence of all plaques changed to “and they lived happily ever after”
