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Jeffrey Epstein

News

Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck
Politics

Megyn Kelly Anxiously Waits For Everyone Else To Start Condoning Pedophilia Too

NEW YORK—Faced with backlash against comments she made last week downplaying the sex trafficking crimes of Jeffrey Epstein, an anxious Megyn Kelly appeared on her…
Politics

Trump To Vance: ‘I Need You To Say You Stole My Face In The 1990s’

WASHINGTON—Taking the vice president aside to discuss the administration’s response to the upcoming House of Representatives vote to release the Epstein files, President Donald Trump…
News

‘No! Not Larry Summers!’ Wails Devastated Nation

WASHINGTON—Responding to recent revelations suggesting the prominent economist was a close associate of the late child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, a devastated nation reportedly joined…
Politics

Trump Says Epstein Emails Only Prove He One Of The Most Emailed-About Men In History

WASHINGTON—In the wake of the House Oversight Committee releasing more than 20,000 pages of documents from the estate of Jeffrey Epstein, some of which raised…
Politics

Trump Denies Writing 36-Volume Comic Titled ‘Don And Jeff: Time Pedophiles’

WASHINGTON—Dismissing the swashbuckling sci-fi romp as “a total hoax” amid growing scrutiny over his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, President Donald Trump made remarks Tuesday denying…

American Voices

Prince Andrew Surrenders Royal Titles

Prince Andrew relinquished all of his royal titles, including Duke of York, amid ongoing public scrutiny over his ties to disgraced sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.…
Politics

Republicans Distract From Epstein Controversy By Each Sharing Most Embarrassing Moment Of Life

WASHINGTON—In a move that ignited numerous media firestorms expected to last for several news cycles, the GOP provided a distraction from the Epstein files controversy…
Politics

Trump Claims He Can’t Be Expected To Remember Every Birthday Card He Sends To Child Molesters

WASHINGTON—Stressing that it was unrealistic to think he would recollect one such letter out of the vast number he has written in his lifetime, President…
Politics

Desperate Trump Attempts To Flush 14-Year-Old Masseuse Down Toilet

WASHINGTON—In a frantic bid to dispose of damaging evidence amid ongoing scrutiny of his relationship with the late child sex offender Jeffrey Epstein, a desperate…
Politics

AG Informed Trump His Name Tattooed All Over Epstein’s Body

WASHINGTON—In another dramatic twist in the ongoing scandal involving the late sex trafficker, sources confirmed this week that U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi previously informed…
News

Ghislaine Maxwell Can’t Help But Notice Interview Room Covered In Plastic Sheeting

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Perplexed that the Department of Justice had chosen a setting with such strange decor to ask her about Jeffrey Epstein’s co-conspirators, Ghislaine Maxwell confirmed…

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