Vol 50: Issue 48

American Voices, Opinion

Pizza Hut ‘Subconscious’ Menu Aims To Read Diners’ Minds, Guess Toppings

Pizza Hut is developing a “subconscious” pizza menu based on eye-tracking technology that works by showing diners a selection of toppings, measuring how much time…
Dispatch, News

New Express Transplant List Offers Patients Kidney Or First Available Organ

WASHINGTON—In an effort to shorten the wait time for dialysis patients in need of a donor, the Department of Health and Human Services this week…
News

Father-In-Law Think Tank Issues Comprehensive One-Sentence Solution To Immigration, Unemployment, Crime Problems

WASHINGTON—In its most sweeping policy statement to date, a Washington-based think tank of leading fathers-in-law issued a comprehensive single-sentence solution to the nation’s immigration, unemployment,…
American Voices, Opinion

Scientists Developing Marijuana Breathalyzer To Catch Stoned Drivers

Researchers at Washington State University are reportedly developing a breathalyzer test to identify drivers who are high on marijuana, which would measure the presence of…
Commentary, Opinion

There’s No Use Worrying Over Things The Parasitic Alien Lifeforms Living Inside Us Can’t Control

Everyone gets stressed out from time to time. Whether you’re having a bad day at home, or something isn’t going your way at work, anxiety…
Entertainment

CIA Admits Role In 1985 Coup To Oust David Lee Roth

LANGLEY, VA—Shedding new light on a tumultuous period of upheaval that dominated international headlines nearly 30 years ago, the U.S. government declassified hundreds of documents…

Entertainment, Horoscopes

Your Horoscopes — Week Of December 2, 2014

You always dreamed of being a human cannonball, but you had no idea that advances in artillery technology would limit your career to a very…
News

Report: More Americans Setting Aside Money In Case Of PR Emergency

COLLEGE PARK, MD—Indicating a trend toward greater financial preparedness, a report released Tuesday by the University of Maryland found that a growing number of Americans…
News, News In Photos

Pope Francis Attends Outdoor Mass In Cutoff Denim Vestments
Local

Area Man Locked In Protracted Battle With Sweatshirt Neckhole

GARY, IN—Struggling valiantly against the elusive long-sleeved garment, local man Kyle Villalobos is currently locked in a protracted battle to locate the neckhole of his…
Infographic, News

Credit Card Safety Tips

Massive security breaches at national retailers like Walmart, Target, and Home Depot have emphasized the importance of taking precautions when using a credit card. Here…
Entertainment

Millions Of Holiday Travelers Return From Parents’ Homes All Caught Up On ‘The Mentalist’

WASHINGTON—After visiting their parents over the long Thanksgiving weekend, millions of holiday travelers reportedly returned to their daily lives Monday having completely caught up on…