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Vol 44: Issue 50

News

Either Someone 14th Caller Or Everything On Fire At Spanish Radio Station

SAN JOSE, CA—According to sources, either a listener of local Spanish-language radio program Mañana Gigante con Luis y Moon Dog has just won some sort…
Politics

Supreme Court Overturns Bush v. Gore

WASHINGTON—In an unexpected judicial turnaround, the Supreme Court this week reversed its 2000 ruling in the landmark case of Bush v. Gore, stripping George W.…
News, News In Photos

Nobody Touching Punch At CIA Christmas Party
Local

Tennis Ball Brought On Trip

FT. LAUDERDALE, FL—Jeremy McCormick, 14, confirmed Tuesday that he brought a tennis ball on his trip to Florida. “I figured I’d bring it just in…
Entertainment, Horoscopes

Your Horoscope

An attempt to get your life in order will fail this week, thanks to a series of space/time paradoxes. There’s no good excuse for what…
Entertainment

'Bard' Captivates Potter Fans

J.K. Rowling’s first post–Harry Potter book, The Tales Of Beedle The Bard, has become another bestseller for the author. What do you think?

Onion Public Radio, Podcasts

Gingerbread Man Assassination Triggers All-Out Baking War
Entertainment

The Week In Review
Cartoons, Opinion

Editorial Cartoon – December 8, 2008
Politics

Bush's Eyelid Accidentally Nailed To Wall

WASHINGTON—President George W. Bush sustained a perforation injury to his right eyelid when a pneumatic nail gun malfunctioned and shot a 12-centimeter-long iron nail that…
Entertainment

Staten Island Historians Piece Together Genealogy Of Wu-Tang Clan

NEW YORK—In what many are calling the most comprehensive study of its kind, Staten Island historians Robert Wilburn and Charles Tinsley have successfully traced the…
American Voices, Opinion

Acorns Missing In Northeast

In states from Virginia to Maine, oak trees have failed to produce the usual abundance of acorns. What do you think?

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In Other News