Become A Member. Get The Paper.

Vol 55: Issue 46

News, News In Photos

British Media Harshly Condemns Meghan Markle For Prince Andrew’s Defense Of Jeffrey Epstein
News

Biologists Recommend Trees Put Aside A Little Phosphorus For Unexpected Emergencies

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Noting that the measure could prevent flora from being caught off guard in their later years, biologists at Harvard University issued a recommendation Monday…
Sports

Guy Who Had Least To Do With Play’s Success Celebrating The Most
Sports

Fox Preempts Jets-Redskins Game In First Quarter For More Exciting Shot Of Empty ‘NFL Sunday’ Studio
News

Unclear Which Beach House Song This Is, Reports Lead Singer Of Beach House

OAKLAND, CA—Midway through her performance of a down-tempo number she described as “sort of pop-y and languid,” Beach House lead vocalist Victoria Legrand reported Friday…
American Voices, Opinion

Pelosi Suggests Trump Committed Bribery

In a notable escalation of the House Minority Leader’s rhetoric, Nancy Pelosi suggested President Trump committed bribery in his dealings with the Ukrainian president, an…

Sports

NFL Rescinds Myles Garrett Suspension After Review Footage Clearly Shows Mason Rudolph’s Punchable Fucking Face

NEW YORK—Apologizing for laying down the ruling in haste without examining all the evidence, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell rescinded Myles Garrett’s suspension for attacking Steelers…
Politics

How Political Ads Are Made

As the 2020 presidential campaign season gets into full swing, debate has raged over the content, message, and truthfulness of political advertising, as well as…
Sports

Colin Kaepernick’s Agents Assure Teams His CTE Has Progressed Just As Much As Other Players Over 3-Year Hiatus

ATLANTA—Responding to concerns that the 32-year-old had spent too much time away from the game, representatives for Colin Kaepernick assured NFL teams Friday that his…
Politics

Yovanovitch Testifies That She Was Removed To Make Way For Corrupt Back Channel But Gets If No One Cares About Anything Anymore

WASHINGTON—Appearing before the House Intelligence Committee at Friday’s impeachment hearing, former ambassador Marie Yovanovitch testified that she was recalled from her post so a corrupt…
Politics

Full Trump Transcript Includes 37 Pages Of Confused President Mashing Fingers Against Dial Pad While Ukrainian President Tries To Speak

WASHINGTON—Shedding light on what exactly transpired between the U.S. president and Ukraine during a mysterious April call, a transcript released Friday includes 37 pages of…
OGN

‘Jedi Fallen Order Is A Star Wars Game Through And Through,’ And 8 Other Lines Of Praise Electronic Arts Strongly Suggested We Use In Our Review

The newest Star Wars game is finally here, and we’ve got all the absolute best lines of praise that Electronic Arts suggested we use in…

Advertising

Advertising

In Other News