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Vol 56: Issue 50

Entertainment

Year In Review: The Onion’s Top Broken Links And Autoplaying Ads Of 2020
News, News In Photos

Rowdy Company Zoom Party Ends With 2 Employees Fooling Around In Breakout Room
Local

‘Bring Me Some Holiday Cheer, You Son Of A Bitch’ Says Woman Slamming Christmas Tree Up Against Wall

BRATTLEBORO, VT—In a desperate effort to get into the spirit of the season, local woman Miranda Krall was reportedly demanding that a Christmas tree bring…
American Voices, Opinion

Recently Discovered Orchid Named Ugliest In The World

The Gastrodia agnicellus, a newly identified plant with no leaves and brown flowers that resemble decaying flesh, has been named the “ugliest orchid in the…
Politics

Robert Kennedy Jr. Offers To Get Autism On Camera To Prove Danger Of Vaccines
Entertainment

The Onion’s Holiday TV Guide: Movies And Shows To Watch This Season

Holiday programming is in full swing as networks fill the airwaves with shows to get viewers in the festive spirit, from classic films like It’s…

News, News In Photos

More Americans Opting To Deep Fry Christmas Tree This Year
American Voices, Opinion

Major League Baseball Adds Negro Leagues To Official Record

The MLB has reclassified the seven Negro Leagues that operated from 1920-1948 as major leagues and will add the stats of 3,400 Negro Leagues players…
Cartoons, Opinion

Life And Limbaugh
OGN

Disaster: Next-Gen Loading Screens Are Going Too Fast For Gamers To Read Tips And Tricks And Now Everyone Is Forgetting How To Play Video Games

When we first got our hands on the next generation of consoles, one of the most thrilling prospects was the near-instant load times. Gone would…
Entertainment

Desperate AMC Touts Theaters As Nice Dark Places For Teens To Rub Each Other’s Genitals

LEAWOOD, KS—In an attempt to boost ticket sales by reminding young patrons of the unique benefits offered by cinema, the increasingly desperate movie chain AMC…
Local

Remote-Learning Student Praying It Snows Enough To Bring Down Internet Lines To Cancel School

WICHITA, KS—Holding out hope that a severe blizzard would come through her town and wipe out all local online infrastructure, remote-learning student Olivia Antonis was…

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