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American Voices

Amazon To Pay $2.5 Billion Settlement For Tricking Prime Customers

In the largest civil penalty in Federal Trade Commission history, Amazon agreed to pay a $2.5 billion settlement to resolve claims that it misled customers…
News

Jeff Bezos Mugs Amazon Warehouse Worker At Gunpoint

KENOSHA, WI—After lurking in a fulfillment center parking lot until employees had finished their 12-hour shift, Amazon founder and executive chairman Jeff Bezos reportedly mugged…
Entertainment

Amazon Teases Next James Bond Will Face Off Against Threat Of Collective Bargaining

LOS ANGELES—Teasing several juicy details on the heels of their recent $1 billion purchase of the franchise, Amazon officials announced Friday that the next James…
Politics

2024 Election Spending By The Numbers

The 2024 presidential election is on track to be the most expensive race in U.S. history. The Onion takes a look at the key facts…
Local

Amazon Update Says Package Now Arriving When The Sky Shatters, The Sun Shines Black, And Rivers Weep Like Men

READING, PA—Pushing back the order’s previously estimated delivery time of 8:30 this evening, an Amazon update reportedly informed 28-year-old Emily Frakes on Tuesday that her…
Football

NFL Sunday Ticket Allows Viewers To Simulcast Up To 4 Domestic Violence Trials At Once

NEW YORK—Offering football fans the chance to catch every testimony and cross-examination without having to change the channel, NFL Sunday Ticket announced this week that…

American Voices

MrBeast Sued By Contestants For Unsafe Conditions

YouTuber MrBeast is accused of creating unsafe employment conditions, including sexual harassment and misrepresenting contestants’ odds at winning his new Amazon reality show’s $5 million…
Entertainment

New Season Of ‘Naked And Afraid’ Shot Within Last 3-Square-Foot Patch Of Nature

LOS ANGELES—Teasing the premiere as the show’s most daring experiment yet, a trailer for Naked And Afraid revealed Thursday that the new season of the…
News

Amazon Announces Orthodox Prime Day Will Be July 29 Through 30

SEATTLE—Providing clarity for customers in Russia, Moldova, Serbia, Georgia, and several other countries where the branch of Christianity is dominant, Amazon announced Monday that Orthodox…
Entertainment

Women Explain Why They Are Attracted To Walton Goggins’ Character In ‘Fallout’

Recent reports have indicated that a number of female fans are thirsting over the Ghoul. The Onion asked women to explain why they are attracted…
American Voices, Opinion

U.S. Animation Studios May Have Unknowingly Outsourced Work To North Korea

Researchers combing through a server based in North Korea found animation work for Amazon’s Invincible and Max’s Iyanu: Child of Wonder, including log files that…
News

What Reddit Users Can Expect Now That The Company Is Public

The social media site Reddit successfully launched an IPO last week that raised $748 million. The Onion examines what Reddit users can expect now that…

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