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Animals

American Voices

Study Finds Peeing Contagious In Chimpanzees

A study published in the journal Current Biology found that when one chimpanzee urinates, the others in a group are more likely to follow, a…
American Voices

Man Injured Protecting Wife From Polar Bear

A man has sustained serious injuries after rescuing his wife who was ambushed by a polar bear in an early morning attack, leaping on to…
American Voices

World’s Oldest Known Wild Bird Lays Egg At 74

Wisdom, a Laysan albatross and the world’s oldest known wild bird, laid an egg at the approximate age of 74, a feat given that members…
American Voices

Smuggler Arrested With 300 Tarantulas Strapped To Body

Police in Peru arrested a man caught trying to leave the country with 320 tarantulas, 110 centipedes, and nine bullet ants strapped to his body,…
American Voices

Bear Costume Used In Elaborate Car Insurance Fraud Scheme

Four individuals were arrested for allegedly attempting to defraud their insurance companies by claiming a bear had damaged their vehicles, when in fact it was…
Local

Shitty Beard Barely Has Any Frolicsome Woodland Creatures Living In It

SPOKANE, WA—Stressing that the best move would be to just shave the whole thing off, sources confirmed Thursday that area man Stephen Blanchet’s shitty beard…

Local

Dead Bird On Sidewalk Leads Man To Contemplate Own Inevitable Collision With Plate Glass

CHICAGO—Realizing there comes a time when everyone crashes into a window, local man Danny Nagler told reporters Wednesday that a dead bird on the sidewalk…
Local

Zoo Gorilla Looks Bored Out Of Mind Reading ‘Wuthering Heights’

CHICAGO—Observing the 300-pound captive ape from the other side of his enclosure, Lincoln Park Zoo guests expressed empathy this week for western lowland gorilla Nzinga,…
Local

Woman Reaches Arm Deep Into Purse Like Farmer Artificially Inseminating Cow
Local

Actor Informed Producers Decided To Go With A Dog For The Role

LOS ANGELES—Assuring him the right part would come along eventually, actor Will Bachman’s agent informed him Thursday that, after a lengthy casting process, the producers…
Local

‘I Can’t See It,’ Reports Child At Every Zoo Exhibit

EVERYWHERE—Emphasizing that the creature was nowhere to be found, every child at every zoo exhibit across the planet reported Wednesday that they couldn’t see the…
Local

Cat Internally Debates Whether Or Not To Rip Head Off Smaller Creature It Just Met

ROCKVILLE, MD—Staring attentively at the potential prey while carefully weighing its best course of action, local cat Jasper was reportedly locked in an intense internal…

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